Super-ego relations

See also Super-ego observations

Back to Intertype relations

Introduction

Super-Ego partners usually think of each other as mysterious and curious individuals. They are usually intrigued by each other’s manners, behavior and thoughts. Both partners might experience interest in each other, but to an outsider spectator, these relations may look cold for some inexplicable reason.

In Day-to-Day Behavior:

  • If Super-Ego partners cannot find a common interest to discuss and ponder, their interaction can quickly descend into strife. The partners would rather express their own points of view than listen to the other partner’s point of view. The latter tries to defend himself by projecting his own confident points in return. This can easily devolve into a vicious cycle. Partners normally show interest and respect to each other if they do not know each other well enough. When partners begin to close their psychological distance, they start to experience many problems understanding each other.

  • Super-Ego partners may think that they have each other figured out. However, when it comes to the two collaborating on a group project, they can easily begin to believe that the other is trying to ruin the project. Super-Ego partners do not make each other aware of their intentions. Therefore their actions may look exactly opposite to what was expected. Although the hope of better collaboration between partners remains as before, it does not prevent conflict penetrating their relationship.

  • It is said that when both partners are extraverts, one of them usually feels more unsatisfied with their position as partners. The explanation for this is that they believe that the other partner deliberately does not pay as much attention to their point of view as they should and are too occupied with their own matters. Between two introvert partners, one partner is preoccupied that the other as being too obtrusive and clingy. In any case, friction begins when partners shift to a relationship of a closer psychological distance.

Descriptions by various authors

Valentina Meged, Anatoly Ovcharov

At a distance these relations can be quite pleasant and friendly accompanied by an interesting exchange of views. However, at closer distances these relations develop into rivalry between the partners. Each one tries to impress the other, to show him his own importance or priority in some area. Difficulties in understanding lead to loss of trust and warm feelings for each other as well as hope that at some point you will be understood correctly. Partners are thus forced to try to readjust to one another, to constantly seek common ground, but the balance in these relations is achieved only for a short period of time. Partners react to each other very sharply and overly emotionally and can unintentionally cause each other pain. Sometimes it seems like the other partner is doing everything in order to spite you. Mutual frustration can develop into acute conflicts, especially in more intimate relations and clashes of personal interests. Mutual deafness manifests in the absence of proper attention to the interests of one another and repeated attempts to impose one’s own point of view. A need to rest from such relations arises, after which partners sometimes establish contact again. Lack of understanding and support typically leads to gradual cooling of these relations.

I.D. Vaisband, publications on Socionics

Partners often have very different interests. Communication is difficult and conflicts frequently arise. Each partner is frequented by thoughts that the other is doing something specifically and intentionally to upset him. However, all is well if partners show care for one another. If a quarrel did occur, this care vanishes and the conflict unexpectedly becomes unpleasantly loud and overt. Superego partners cannot fully rely on one another.

O.B. Slinko “The key to heart - socionics”

Relations of superego are between partners whose Ego blocks correspond to Superego blocks of each other. What does this mean? Strong functions of your partner’s Ego block coincide with your weakest functions, which constitute your Superego. Your role function is your partner’s leading function, which he realizes through your vulnerable function that correspond to his creative. In this manner, the partner is constantly demonstrating his superiority in the aspects where you are weak. This unfortunate and unpleasant situation is mutual: your are doing the same with respect to him. It should not be thought that these relations only have a negative outcome. Partners involuntarily feel respect for one another, since your superego partner is very strong in areas that are problematic for you. Often both partners feel attraction and even sympathy for each other, since they can clearly see their partner’s weak aspects. Exercising some effort to ensure that you don’t hurt one another, you can establish a decent level of comfort in this pair.

R.K. Sedih “Informational psychoanalysis”

The name of this type of relations corresponds well to its structure: Ego block of one partner interacts with Superego block of the other partner. In most cases this interaction does not get past the level of acquaintances. Partners feel as if slightly restricted by each other. As a result, their interaction is somewhat shallow in nature. Sometimes it happens that both people have to interact at close distance. Relations can become deeper in this case, but they still won’t be very simple. This is determined by the structure of the interaction of the Ego-Supergo blocks: mature adult meets insecure teenager. It happens that calm, confident actions on the part of adult either frighten the teenager or put him in awe, and rarely do they leave him indifferent. At the same time they invariably manage to stir and awaken some issues in the teenager in terms of his inferiority complex or a variety of other manifestations. For example, he may be subdued and quiet or start to loudly assert that he also knows something in this life. In all cases, there is something the two people have in common. The adult understands the true state of the teenager and his psychological reactions. Teenager doesn’t understanding anything, but sees the superiority of his partner, and is suppressing of him.

Naturally, further development of there relations depends primarily on the sense of tact of the partners and the level of development and protection of partner’s Superego block. Sadly, these conditions are rarely ideal in real life. Due to this, superego influence is usually an uncomfortable one. In order to not upset these relations, partners should never persist to in trying to reach each other, to change or re-make one another, or to gain much in a short period of time. The more relaxed your attitude is - the easier it becomes to communicate. Even if relations are shallow they can still be very informative, because Superego block like a sponge absorbs all the interesting experiences of the mature Ego block of the partner. As far as relations between the two people go, here socionists advise that you treat your partner’s weak areas just like you would want him to treat yours. Id-Superid: Here situations is analogous to the above. The child suddenly wants to grow up, his behavior changes, but the teenager finds it laughable. This reaction is understandable. Another variation of interaction is when Superid feels so grown up that the feeling of its own enormous importance helps the child through life, though this rarely happens. Sometimes child’s natural desire to let someone else caretake impedes it. From the point of view of teenager this is somewhat cumbersome. Some superego pairs realize this problem only after exchanging the vows.

Laima Stankevichyute, “Intertype relations”

In these relations, there is a constant feeling that your partner is purposefully doing everything wrong, disregarding your wishes and needs, and trying to deliberately frustrate you. Sensing types in these relations are often inclined to enact attempts at revenge against intuitive types. Intuitive types are inclined to often criticize the sensing types, recalling and listing all the evils that they have committed against them.

A.V. Bukalov, G. Boiko, “Why Saddam Hussein made a mistake, or what is Socionics”

These are relations of mutual respect and support. Each partner sees qualities in the other that he would have liked to possess himself. Moreover, each partner sees that the other is realizing his ideal i.e. those areas that are a constant source of doubt, and sometimes qualms of conscience. Often, when one’s superego partner talks from his strong functions, it becomes unpleasant to listen to him. Overall these relations can be good. For example, an ILE is very impressed with SEE’s ability to organize people and make them follow him. The later is impressed by ILE’s ability to understand complex theoretical ideas and phenomena. In these relations people must maintain some psychological distance, because at closer distances they can start to annoy one another. Therefore, life in a family environment can become very burdensome: it is very difficult to have to constantly readjust to one another.

Victor Gulenko, “Criteria of reciprocity”

Hospitable monotony

Initially, communication is interesting, but too monotonous and tiresome. It takes a lot of effort to introduce an element of novelty and originality. In this way, partners can reach a fairly substantial degree of reciprocity for some time. Over time each begins to demand more attention than the other person is willing to grant him. Complains and criticisms begin to surface and flourish on this ground. Partners start to think of each other as selfish. Constant minor disagreements and squabbles are an inevitable component of these relations at close distance.

Binary attributes intertype relationships

Superego relations are characterized by the ability to sensitively capture the state and motivations of the partner at large communicative distances. Therefore, superego partners need a lot of space for interpersonal and diplomatic maneuvers. Their ability to get along greatly diminishes at close distances and when partners are deprived of change and new impressions.

Relations of superego consist of constant maneuvering and empty promises. In person partners can say one thing to each other while in private keeping to completely different decisions. Their activity is highly dependent on the general state of the pair. Each violently resists any attempts to make him dependent. Such pair is very dynamic and requires frequent change in activities.

At a close distance, these relations become full of arguments and quarrels. Partners try to find some kind of stable position, but such a position is very shaky and constantly escapes them. Relations of superego are based on restoration of balance that is periodically destroyed. Thus all rapid changes in this pair are perceived from negative point of view rather than positive one. Each partner blames the other if the distance is mismatched. Partners come to see each other as egoistical. Relations can be very passionate but at the same time they are characterized by irrational behavior towards one another.

These relations are also pragmatic. Superego partners come together having very concrete, tangible, materialistic interests. This pair is capable of accumulating experiences by method of trial and error. Partners also monitor the status of each other and very painfully react if one of them obtains some privileges or benefits over the other.

The development of this type of relations leads to a gradual, but turbulent equalizing of forces and emotional contributions of the partners. Each of the participants is quick to react to any imbalance. The amplitude of these oscillations gradually increases, reaches a climax, and then begins to decline, as the partners learn to more fully consider the interests of each other. Opposition of positions gradually declines.

Advice on getting along

These relations will require from you flexibility and diplomacy. If one partner attains some benefits, the other often reacts strongly and dramatically in response to this inequality. Do not attempt to gain something for yourself at the expense of another: this will surely lead to a quarrel. Try to establish mutually beneficial exchanges. Expand your circle of acquaintances, especially from other cities and distant regions. If you feel that relations are becoming worse, focus on partner’s better qualities, pay him or her some compliments. Combine your efforts together against external opposition and problems.

Learn to feel for each other in order to not unintentionally hurt your partner. It is not recommended to use logic to try to understand the causes of changes in behavior of your partner. More often switch from one type of activity to another. Do this by mutual desires and without any prior plans.

Keep in mind that in these relations, both people cannot be simultaneously active. Constantly alternate who will expand the energy. Do not engage in philosophizing and theorizing. Whenever small differences arise resolve them with minor compromises.

V.V. Gulenko, A.V. Molodtsev, “Introduction to socionics”

There are relations of mutual respect. Superego means “super-I”. One superego partner is perceived as a distant and somewhat mysterious ideal. His mannerisms and way of thinking inspire interest. At large distances, these relations are often outwardly cool while internally partners often develop mutual sympathies and affection for one another. If there is no common topic for conversation, which would be interesting for both partners, communication carries rather formal character. There is desire to express one’s point of view rather than to listen to your partner. This happens because the topic of conversation often falls in the area of strong functions of one partner that are weak in another, listening to which is uninteresting. This creates an impression that your partner understands and is interested in you, even though you suspect that this interest is shallow.

When the distance grows closer, the nature of these relations takes on a new, less pleasant undertone. In words, understanding usually remains good, especially with matching subtypes. But in deeds it is as if the partner does everything to frustrate you. Partners either fail to inform each other about their intentions, or do not listen to each other closely. Thus they end up doing the opposite of what their partner had expected of them. This can cause many arguments and conflict, but even in this case internal affection towards one’s partner does not disappear or even diminish. Hope that the ideal is still achievable persists.

Extraversion-introversion of partners has significant effect on these relations. In a pair of two extraverts, one is usually dissatisfied that the other pays too little attention to him and is too preoccupied with outside matters. In a pair of introverts, it is the opposite case, one partner feels that the other is too intrusive and clingy, and doesn’t leave him alone. In both cases this results in misunderstandings and quarrels.

Ekaterina Filatova, “Art of understanding yourself and others”

Here the functions “overlap” on the 2nd and 3rd channels, with different functions occupying first channels.

In may seem that one partner is helping the other partner in areas where the later feels himself insecure. A. Augusta considers these relations to be quite comfortable, often pleasant and amiable, even if a bit superficial. Other socionists, to the contrary, define them as very tense and dangerous with their sudden ‘hits’ at weak functions of the partners. The author of this book has seen both the first and the second kind of these relations. Evidently, here personal factors play the decisive role in how these relations will develop, such as spheres of activities of both partners, common interests, their social status, and so on. Taking all of this into account, the author once again would like to caution the reader from drawing too direct conclusions: incorporating knowledge of psychological types of both partners, their social status and cultural background, we should try to understand how different Jungian aspects manifest themselves in specific situation.

In relations of superego as well as kindred relations, there exists a possibility to pressure function of 2nd channel of the partner - which means possible conflicts. However, if the partners treat each other with respect and understanding, try to support each other in weak areas using their strong function, they can successfully cooperate.

Eugene Gorenko, Vladimir Tolstikov, “Nature of self”

These relations are quite attractive for both people. Each can offer his or her own shoulder and offer help in matters that the other partner struggles with. It is interesting to spend time together, but taking on commons tasks is difficult because of the differences in approaches and methods. Then, tensions can arise, mutual grievances, up to break up of relations. Partners should pause and take periodic breaks from each other.

Sergei Ganin

Homoverted - Symmetrical - Rhythmical

These are relations of mutual respect between partners. Super-Ego partners may think of each other as a distant and slightly mysterious ideal. They often show interest in each other’s manners, behaviour and thought composition. Both partners experience a warm feeling towards each other, but for the outsider, these relations may look cold.

If Super-Ego partners cannot find common interests, their interaction can become very formal. Partners normally think more about expressing their own point of view than listening to their partner. This expression comes from the confident side of one of the partners reaching the unconfident side of the other partner. The latter tries to defend themselves by projecting their confident points in return. Partners normally show interest and respect to each other if they do not know each other well enough. When partners start more close interaction, they start experiencing many problems.

Super-Ego partners may think that they understand each other well. However, when it comes to day to day matters or co-operative activity, partners start thinking that their partner is deliberately trying to do everything wrong. Super-Ego partners are not interested and do not make each other aware of their intentions. Therefore their actions may look exactly opposite to what was expected. Although the hope and the feeling between partners may remain as before, it does not prevent the conflicts penetrating their relationship.

When both partners are extroverts, one of them usually feels more unsatisfied with their position. The explanation for this is that they believe that the other partner does not pay as much attention to them as they should and are too occupied with their own matters. Between two introvert partners, one is always thinks about the other as being too obtrusive and clingy. In any case, friction usually begins when partners shift to a more close relationship.

Super-ego pairs

Theoretical properties of super-ego relations

Types in super-ego relations share Jungian dichotomies of Extraversion / Introversion and Rationality / Irrationality. They differ on dichotomies of Logic / Ethics and Intuition / Sensing.

Model A

Functions 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 reflect on functions 3, 4, 1, 2, 7, 8, 5, 6.

Functions of Model A

Partner 1

Partner 2

base function

role function

creative function

vulnerable function

suggestive function

ignoring function

mobilizing function

demonstrative function