Forms of Love: Ancient and Novel by Meged¶
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We are given enjoyment not by what surrounds up, but by our attitude towards it. - La Rochefoucauld
Introduction¶
Love - is an individual creative work of human beings, thus it can be said that however many people there are, there are as many kinds of love. Yet, even in this most most mysterious and unfathomable field, there are some laws and patterns that allow us to distinguish 8 basic types of love.
Of course, the forms of expression of feelings - are not yet love, but only the inclination towards one or another kind of it. Love - is a multifaceted feeling that can be expressed in different ways. For it are inherent: passion and tenderness, bliss and quiet tranquility, delight and anger, joy and anxiety, fear and even anger. Nonetheless, no matter how many colors and shapes may be in love, it is always striving for understanding, spiritual closeness, common occupations.
Love - it’s intimate and profound feeling, with the desire for commitment and constancy. It is characterized by the perception of the other person as a unique and inimitable personality, his idealization.
This idealization not only dazzles loving, but, on the contrary, making it “seeing” as it allows to see what others do not see in your favorite. This feeling is not controlled by any mind or will, it can not be forced to trigger or suppress. Love gives rise to the desire to reciprocity, therefore stimulates a person to self-improvement and development of their best qualities, making it more meaningful, more interesting.
Loving people often mentally seeks advice to the object of his senses, evaluates himself, his thoughts and acts as if his position. This causes the effect of the presence of a loved one, even if it is far away; focus on his assessment, outlook, perception. With a harmonious blend of reciprocity of feelings intensified over the years, with disharmonious - multiply misunderstandings. In such cases, people are trying in vain to explain the collapse of their illusions flimsy reasons, not realizing that the reason is the same: love, they spoke different languages ??and could not adapt to each other. Knowing the nature of their feelings, it can be avoided.
Complete harmony, as well as complete happiness - are extremely rare, but the path to it, though not easy, is only through the knowledge of the characteristics of each other. And still - through a desire to turn his attraction to a person in true love. And for this it is necessary to understand the nature of love and the different forms of its manifestation.
Not all relations can be called love, but the species can occur in any situation, whether it is friendship or partnership, a passing acquaintance or a long-standing desire.
For example, people who are inclined more to the sensual love, have at its core the type of relationship - eros. This means that testing is not attracted to each partner, people with this type of relationship over the spiritual and intellectual proximity appreciate specific sensations, carrying them joy in communicating with partners: delicious food, touch, gifts, entertainment and other joint earthly pleasures. Vividly their hedonism manifested in love; less pronounced in friendly and business relations. In the case of aversion to the partner, a person with this form of the senses produces the sharpest criticism often on aspects related to feelings.
The forms of love are associated with certain features of character, on the basis of which was created by the author’s typology of accents of the characters with their corresponding forms of feelings and relationships (character accents - complexes of certain character traits associated with the projection of the elements of information exchange, manifested in the psycho-physical level of personality).
To determine the nature of their accents, and then - the form of feelings and relationships, we proceed to testing, which will be simple and concise.
Test for Accentuations of Personality¶
The test consists of an 8-scales with a set of relevant statements. Each of these scales has its own drive letter and corresponds to a particular accent character. To determine what the nature of accents you most pronounced, read all of the text, noting in each scale number of statements with which you agree, estimating the number of replies to the pros, the relevant degree of your confidence in the correctness of the chosen statement:
Look, what of the remaining scales you could put on the third place. Write her a letter. Perhaps this is not found, then you have only two accent character. First, you select the main focus will be the following - optional. Read their names that match the letters you have chosen the Latin scales and discover the characteristics suggested below.
Note: If the predominantly positive statements you have selected two test scale and accents your chosen correspond to the two leading features of your type - congratulations: you are quite whole person, and you have little internal contradictions. If you select two or more scales and do not know which one to prefer, try to determine their main focus character by choosing the most suitable characteristics (of the alleged resulting from testing). Read the descriptions of his alleged type accent and make his self-portrait, consisting of two or three combinations of your type accents. If one or two of the chosen accents do not match any of your two leading personality type functions - perhaps in this lies the source of many of your problems and you need to do psycho-correction.
The scale of “I”
I am very interested to deal with complex issues and to unravel the tangle of contradictions.
Thanks to his imagination and vision of different solutions to the problem I quickly find a way out of a complex, confusing situation of such provisions, which seem to be another hopeless.
I love all the unusual, mysterious and enigmatic.
I always consider the problem from an unexpected quarter.
I often light up a completely new and unusual speculation and I try to convince others of his findings.
I like to argue, as instantly notice the weaknesses of the interlocutor claims (whether in reports, speeches, proposals, projects, works of art or machines and mechanisms …). and I find strong counterarguments.
I quickly discover imperfections (defects) of almost any person.
I have little tolerance for subordination (obedience).
I perfect myself (their abilities and skills) in order to increase the chances of quickly achieve their goals.
I think a lot and compared, noting contradictions and inconsistencies.
Scale “T”
I’m drawn to create beautiful (harmonious) images in your mind.
I’m very curious, I try to imagine different scenarios and often intuitively foresee the consequences of certain actions or changes, I believe in fate.
My ideal - life in an atmosphere of art, in a beautiful environment full of comfort and well-being, so I would like to live in the past century or in the future.
I could not work in a hospital, t. To. I can not stand the hospital environment (specific odors, appearance of patients …).
I like all unusual, beautiful, informative, giving spiritual food: I love music, art, theater, books.
My opinion about yourself is more than the opinion of others.
I treat people ironically, but without humiliation of their dignity.
I am a self-contradictory and unpredictable in its decisions.
I need to art classes for me were a means of expression.
I act in order to be spread over the beautiful (harmonious, elegant, aesthetic, art objects, etc.).
Scale “F”
I’m an impulsive person ( with a twist).
At any moment I am ready to immediately respond to any attack against himself, and at any moment I can not answer his opponent
When I was humiliated, I feel stung by a strong desire to take revenge.
Stagnation and monotony prefer to struggle with difficulties: then quickly mobilizes, taking matters into their own hands, can be strong and steadfast, the victory must be for me.
Confident co-ordinating the actions of others, as well I feel vulnerabilities every situation.
my element - struggle (competition, contest, , ).
I have included in an active struggle against anything that is not consistent with my feelings and ideas.
I would like to be the first in everything and break all records.
I am a person gambling, but if necessary, I can bring myself to submit to the most severe discipline.
My head works better when someone opposes (contrary resists) me.
Scale “S”
I’m willing to cope with matters that relate to the need to convince people, to lift them up, instruct, assign tasks, manage, issue commands.
I become more active during the operation, the implementation of which promises to increase the respect and sympathy of those around me.
If I have to chastise man for any mistake or misdeed, I get it in a fatherly (without rancor and humiliation).
I like to participate in various mass meetings where I can make an impression on others.
I’m attracted to bright and noisy spectacle: the battle scenes, racing, sports (hockey, soccer …), etc.
I love to take care of others, and willing to take care of a solution to their material, business and physical problems, but I prefer to take care of themselves on their own, because I know better what I need.
I am eager to receive more earthly pleasures, which include: contact with nature, food, work, love, recreation.
I love to please others, to be the center of attention, to instill in them the optimism.
I surely have an impact on others, flexibly and efficiently supervise them.
I act diplomatically, to earn a good reputation, authority, occupy a high position.
Scale “P”
I try to be a competent person, do everything at your own pace, with high quality and not like hacks.
I treat people although rough, but fair.
I feel an interest in various technologies and constantly improve their work, ensuring its high quality.
I am rational in spending money, always make savings for unforeseen occasions.
I find it difficult to impose on other people’s ways of working, I know better how to easier, better and more profitable, you can do this or that thing.
I do not see the point of enthusiasm, which does not bring tangible benefits.
I am confident to overcome the difficulties in the work, while not achieve the best results.
I often feel such a passion for the work that retreats fatigue and appears a good mood.
I do not change their ways of life, even if people do not agree with that and I do.
I get the greatest pleasure from doing useful and necessary things.
Scale “L”
I broke down and a man of principle, guided by logic and reason rather than emotions and sentiments.
I love all of the order, the system sequence.
I believe the secretive and closed, because I treat people wary and distrustful.
I’m good at work that requires the classification and systematization. I was able to work with figures, tables, graphs, clearly systematize accumulated information.
I always know how to logically justify their conclusions and decisions.
I love all rigorously analyze and identify contradictions in the arguments and reasoning of others.
I like to solve problems with the help of knowledge, leading all in a slim streamlined system.
I love to solve problems that require a consistent, strictly logical approach.
I easily was given algebra.
I am uncompromising in defending his opinions, his intentions, plans, projects.
Scale “E”
I am a very emotional person: feelings mean so much to me that I can do for them great sacrifices.
I - an optimist who lives with hope for a better future.
I often changing mood and I could not help convey it to others; easy to quarrel and put up with people.
I often perceive people and events romantically.
I like to share their experiences and find their response. know how much love and hate.
Probably a lot, I imagine in pink light.
Always interested in the mood of others and know how to influence people, causing them to certain emotions and feelings.
I love to just dream (without any practical purposes).
For me, often characterized by swings between fear and hope.
For the rest, giving the opportunity to be alone, to dream, I am ready to sacrifice a lot.
Scale “R”
I prefer peaceful relations with people, avoid conflicts of disputes struggle.
I’m easy (fast) to adapt to new requirements and conditions.
I prefer to be a couch potato.
I would like to always be able to lie, when you want.
I like to provide specific assistance to people, be it a useful and enjoyable to do selflessly.
I am very sorry for the people to live out their failures and troubles as your own.
I - a man pliant: often yield to the pressure of people and circumstances, I agree with what I say …
I relaxed fit and burdensome (tiring) work.
I try to smooth out misunderstandings, to reconcile the dispute.
I prefer to meet in private.
The key to the test:
Brief Description of Accents of Personality¶
Dreamer - It’s very curious, inwardly rebellious people. Warmly defending their intellectual convictions, but compliant and bear grudges for practical or material matters. It has a strong associative and imaginative perception. Full of ideas and proposals are not very practical. Smart and resourceful. Quickly noticed the relationship between seemingly different phenomena. Always see a lot of ways to solve problems and can solve them quite unexpected ways to others. Rather impulsive, despite the obsession with any new idea, it is not always enough patience to bring the follow through, and it often interferes in the achievement of life goals. Aversion to monotony, routine, templates and regulations. Constantly it is in opposition to the existing order, reluctant to compromise on that principle, but may lose interest in the situation, if it is not resolved quickly for him and switch to another.
Forecaster - People with a developed intuition, which enables it to penetrate the thoughts of the past or future and to anticipate the outcome of certain events. He is peculiar dissatisfaction reality and the desire to change it. Therefore, it tends to self-improvement and is never satisfied with the achieved. Hence - increased requirements for self and others. In search of the elusive harmony is self-contradictory, and prone to constant doubt, because of what often turns his attention is distracted by new ideas or things. Interested phenomena of the world, trying to understand its patterns and predict future developments. Has a tendency to brooding about the laws of the universe, is interested in the moral and philosophical or religious issues, the search for truth and harmony in the world. It’s quite an original person, but because of the amorphous temperament, unpredictability and uncertainty in the performance of their obligations often causes polar assessment of his personality.
Conqueror - energetic, active, agile, in practical terms people. Quickly is guided in critical situations. Hardy, is able to overcome obstacles, not complaining about the difficulties. It features quick-tempered, straight and uncompromising character. He knows how to have his own. Intransigence and pragmatic, he goes to his goal no matter what. Demanding and picky, intrinsically problematic, often quarrelsome. He did not have enough tact and diplomacy in dealing with others. It’s pretty sharp, assertive and intolerant people. He has few friends.
Epicurean - realistic, confident person. Configured to receive from a life all of its joys and pleasures. Gourmet, esthete, is not indifferent to the quality of things. It - nedemonstrativny leader. Active and energetic. Knows how to please people, carries them away. She knows what she wants and always achieves its goals through the power of will, tenacity and perseverance. The relationship is often stubborn and does not like objections. Inclined to arrange everything so that it is convenient to him. It does not always take into account the interests of others, but can be diplomacy and courtesy, if necessary. His power is manifested softly. Good sense of physical and material needs of others, and is able to take care of everyone. It is not enough self-critical and does not like criticism. Not averse on occasion to emphasize its advantages.
Professional - a good specialist, continuously improve its business competence.He is hardworking, energetic and conscientious. On it you can rely on at all. Respects primarily benefit expediency, quality, accuracy, and precision in order affairs. Stubborn and consistent. Because of this, it is often necessary to finish someone else’s work. Trust only your and others’ experiences, as well as the facts and verified information. It needs certain distance communication, to avoid the emotional relationship to the partner. Not inclined to compromise, but does not tolerate conflict, so in extreme cases can go on temporary assignment in the affairs or relationships. He has difficulty in expressing their feelings, so communication may look dry or cold person.
Logician - a person with a strong analytical thinking. It appreciates the logical arguments. It aims to order around, organizing, structuring and categorizing. He skillfully planning their affairs, it makes plans and schedules. Very patient, conscientious, scrupulous and meticulous work. This is - a person methodical, steady, cook everything in advance. He needs a quiet, private setting for reflection. Inclined all be analyzed. Do not trust the assumptions not supported by facts and figures. Lives more than reason, I am not inclined to give in to the feelings to the detriment of expediency and common sense. Quite inflexible in the relationship.
Romantic - friendly, but very vulnerable, emotional and self-contradictory man. Heavily dependent on communicating with others from their own likes and dislikes, and related experiences, but tries to hide it from others. It can exert a strong influence on other manifestations of the power and depth of his feelings. He is able to raise their spirit and mood, inspire any idea, but this behavior he is not a deliberate tactic. Romantic does not aspire to power, rarely sets the specific goals of a practical nature. Most disappointed in the objects of their sympathy, but can not live without inner ideals. He suffers from frequent mood swings and lack of confidence.
Peacemaker - tactful person who is not peculiar ambition. Peacefulness, sentimental and sensitive. Good and compliant. He knows how to smooth out misunderstandings and to maneuver in relations. He is well versed in the people and easily install the necessary distance in dealing with them. Develops or alters relations, guided by the greater interests of others than their own. It is quite forgiving of other people’s weaknesses, and inclined to compromise for the sake of good relations, so often abused his kindness. He suffers because of a lack of willpower, perseverance and initiative.
Note: A detailed description of each type of characters you can find in the article Comperehensive Behavoral and Visual Characterizations of Representatives of Accentuations of Personality
Accentuations of Personality and Form of Relationships¶
Knowing your accentuations of personality, you can get acquainted with their respective descriptions of forms of love (or simply - forms of relations):
Peacemaker, striving for complete harmony in relations, the most typical is a compromise form of love - Storge.
For Romantic, experiencing the full power of emotions on him or herself, typical form of love is - Mania.
Cold-blooded logician inherent love is - Analita.
Sober and practical Professional inherent love is - Pragma.
For Forecaster, often falling in love with a non-existent ideal, typical most idealistic form of love is - Agape.
Dreamer, in need of understanding from others, inherent form of love is - friendship Filia.
Epicurean, preferring the sphere of pleasant sensations, inherent for of love is - Eros.
For the Conqueror, not inclined to compromise, typical conquering and overwhelming form of love is - Victoria.
Characteristics of Forms of Love¶
1. Storge - this is love-tenderness, that includes deep understanding and compassion. The ability to compromise, kindness, and ability to smooth out the contradictions are all inherent to such feeling. This form of relations is characterized by: solidarity with a partner in everything, leniency towards their shortcomings, pursuit of a harmonious, stable, pleasant, and laid-back attitude. This is an ideal form of love for family life, provided that the partner will show some sensitivity. Excessive vulnerability of this feeling does not make it resilient in all cases. The attraction of the soul is of main significance here, prevailing over physical attraction. Storge originated in antiquity, developed further during the Renaissance, and in our time has not lost its relevance.
2. Mania - prolonged emotional ecstasy, obsession with love, over-valuation of its significance, which leads to strong emotional shocks, reckless actions, and even dramas. This feeling is strong, possessive, demanding, thirsty for complete reciprocity, but also capable of many compromises. This love is very enduring, even in those cases when it is unrequited. Often it is capable of heroism and sacrifice, and even unconditional devotion. It is full of contradictions, since it is very dependent on changeable moods. Quarrels may be frequent with this kind of love, as well as sharp contrasts in behavior, even fleeting infidelity. It is the cause for unpredictable actions and disregard for generally accepted norms of behavior. Mania love exists since ancient times, but it became most widespread in the 20th century in Western Europe after the sexual revolution, whose followers called for the emancipation of the senses and the denial of the cold bourgeois rationality. It has not lost its relevance in our pragmatic time, though it has become less dramatic.
3. Analita - a form of love for which the wish for calm and rational relations is inherent. This love is individual-selective, with high demands towards the object of feelings, with a tendency to become disappointed in that person, if he or she did not meet some expectations. This demanding attitude is devoid of idealism, but often exceeds the real abilities of people. This feeling is intellectual, with a tendency to think and analyze the behavior of the partner, while not immersing in his inner world. It has an abstracting-generalizing nature, with tendencies to draw conclusions detached from the object of feelings; here, are a few emotions and sensations. Not marked by propensity to yield and make concessions. Aspiring to a reasonable and harmonious combination of intellectual needs and physical desires, the owner of Analita form of love requires many concessions from his or her partner. This form of love most clearly manifested in the 19th century and is well reflected in the philosophy of Freud, Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, and others. In many, who do not meet their ideal partner, this form of love is transformed into its complete negation. In current times of progressing equality of genders (biarhata) it gradually loses its relevance and manifests less vividly, but it is still relevant. Since no name was given to it in literature, the author has proposed her own term.
4. Pragma - sober, pragmatic, and sensible form of love according to a spiritual or material calculation. Despite certain ego-centrism, it is oriented at a fair balance between “giving” and “receiving”. It presumes relating to the object of one’s feelings with respect and with a wish to understand them. This form of love is natural and rational in the manifestation of its needs. It is characterized by an aspiration towards mutual satisfaction of desires and interests, although personal interests in it sometimes put above the interests of the partner. Habit strengthens it, and over time the object of feelings turns into a necessary possession, which is treated with much care. This form of love was described by Spinoza. It was most popular was in the 18th century, although it existed in all historical periods. It has not lost its popularity in our time. Unions that are associated with it are called marriages of convenience.
5. Agape - this is sacrificial and idealistic form of love. It is based on tolerance at its foundation. This is a pretty stable feeling with elements of fatalism. Its owner is able to forgive much and take self-denial as granted. Refined and poetic, such love can exist for a long time at a distance from the object of feelings, even without hope for reciprocity. Within it lies the desire to protect one’s illusion from any destructive actions from reality, thus in such relations there is a tendency for self-deception. Despite its complex and contradictory nature, it, more than other forms of love, predisposes to humility. Sometimes a person who has this form of love has to take radical decisions, for example, to part with a loved one out of their own initiative. But the image of a loved one, even after a long time of separation, can be observed loyalty. Spiritual desire here always prevails over the physical. This form of love-humility became more wide-spread with the emergence of Christianity, but it is still relevant in our time.
6. Filia - this is a spiritual feeling, which is based on kinship of souls, interests, and motives at its foundation - a kind of intellectual communion. This feeling engenders friendship with sense of deep respect and understanding. It has a very selective character, uniting like-minded people and stimulating mutual development of capabilities. This is a love between equal partners, that does not tolerate coercion and, moreover, dictates in anything. People who are characterized by this form of love can remain loyal only to a chosen partner who does not disappoint them. They part without regrets with partners who did not meet their expectations, or who are alien to them in spirit and ways of thinking. They are much more tolerant of sexual disharmony. This form of love was developed in the Renaissance, but was glorified even before those times by Plato, and since then called platonic. Nowadays, it is becoming increasingly important for groups and societies too saturated by sexual permissiveness.
7. Eros - this is a passionate, powerful, and sensual attraction to the object of love. Appearance and manner of behavior of a loved one are of great value here. They evoke aesthetic feelings and reverence before the outward perfection, often exaggerated - of face, figure, gait. People for whom this form of love is predominant seek harmony of both body and soul, and are able to turn a blind eye to minor flaws and faults. Inspired by love, they are capable of great devotion, constantly improving their own manners and ways of expressing their feelings, as well as forms of their body, beauty of their clothes, aesthetics of their environment. They willingly adjust and adapt their partner to themselves. They give much importance to physical enjoyments. Not finding the desired harmony, they become forever disappointed in the object of their feelings, and easily part ways with him or her. This form of displays of affection became widespread in ancient Greece, is most characteristic of developed societies, and is still widely promoted by the media and various forms of art.
8. Victoria - this type of erotic behavior is the most distant from the intellectual and spiritual needs than others. It lacks in depth and creativity. It is based on a pleasant feeling of conquering the object of one’s feelings. This is a kind of game-struggle. If the conquered person does not resist, interest towards him or her is quickly lost. For introverts or ambiverts (less sociable people) this feeling can be very stable and reliable, when a loved one is regarded as a necessary possession. Attention to the partner manifests as never-ending demands, which imply the best of intentions. This feeling can be quite ego-centric, sometimes distant from compassion. In extroverts (more outgoing people) this form of love often lacks consistency, since the pursuit of sexual diversity that gives a sense of the joy of new victories is inherent to it. The partner is often seen as an enemy or as a fortress, that is taken by storm. The partner is looked down upon, without mercy, and without any desire to achieve full mutual understanding. This form of love originated in ancient Greece. It was most popular during the times of slavery. Currently, in more developed and spiritual societies, it loses its popularity. In American culture, after the sexual revolution, the extroverted form of this love has gained popularity, and has not lost its relevance to the moment. In an archaic form, the introverted form of this type of love persists in societies that traditionally assign women a secondary role.
Compatibility of Forms of Love¶
Human life is rarely complete without love, but everyone loves in his own way. We need to understand the main thing - a person can not love as you want it. He likes the way he is by nature tend to. Your right to take his love for what it is, or reject it, if this form of expression of feelings you do not like. If you want to achieve harmony in the feelings with someone you love, understand what forms of relationship, each unconsciously expects from the other, and try to develop them in yourself. They say that a habit - this is second nature, so desirable over time, can become a reality. Consider the compatibility relations on a purely personal, emotional level.
The most compatible combinations:
Storge and Pragma. : The union of Peacemaker and Professional.
Mania and Analita. : The union of Romantic and Logician.
Agape and Victoria. : The union of Forecaster and Conqueror.
Filia and Eros. : The union of Dreamer and Epicurean.
These opposite kinds of love are highly complementary. For example, a very strong union forms between people with forms of love Storge and Pragma, as with these feelings calm harmonious life that strengthens relations is very much valued. Mania can significantly move its bearer, who wants to meet the particularly high requirements of Analita personality, who, in turn, balances with sober rationality impulsive feelings of Mania. With the commanding proprietary Victoria only a sacrificial feeling Agape can get along, capable of obeying the will of another. As for the love form Eros, then only extensive capabilities and imagination of intellectual Filia can retain for a long time the interest of such a passionate and demanding partner. This is an excellent union of mind, body, and soul.
Incompatible types of relationships include:
Storge and Analita. : Gentle, vulnerable Storge cannot stand aloof and spiritless, strict and demanding Analita. For Analita Storge is too primitive, boring, and even saccharine. It is hard for them to find mutual understanding and harmony in feelings.
Mania and Pragma. : The cult of the emotions is not compatible with practical calculation. Mania to Pragma seems restless and clingy, Pragma to Mania - cynical and boring.
Agape and Eros. : Melancholic Agape does not evoke admiration and excitement in Eros. Eros wounds Agape by its high demands. In addition, the owner of Eros does not need sympathy, pity, and humility, but rather an equal partner, who evokes elation of feelings.
Filia and Victoria. : It’s the age-old conflict between the spiritual and the corporeal, between the desire for equality and subordination, between practical interests and their neglect. They are not attracted to each other.
Combinations of types of relations with an average compatibility (which with some fine-tuning can get along):
Storge and Victoria. : Tactful Storge goes for compromises for the sake of harmony and durability of relations. She is patient and with time softens Victoria. Its ability to be flexible at times brings it closer to Agape, that is necessary for Victoria.
Mania and Eros. : The cult of love unites them and in the beginning makes their emotions bright. Over time, fatigue sets in from satiation with emotions, but Mania firmly holds onto Eros. Their relationship is usually turbulent, but interesting for both. However, the exact outcome here is not always predictable.
Agape and Pragma. : Idealistic sacrificial attitude and sound calculation, despite some friction, converge on the mutual desire for stability and permanence.
Filia and Analita. : This is a highly intellectual union in which both strive for perfection. However, for Filia there is not enough sensuality, and for Analita - emotionality in their relationship, but they find common interests that bring them together. They will part with each other only because of ideological differences or intimate dissatisfaction.
Partner can’t always adapt to each other with an average degree of compatibility, but if it happens, they manage to get along.
There is another combination of forms of love with an average degree of compatibility, when the partners mutually cancel/extinguish each other’s feelings. In such cases, there is either no convergence, or people quickly lose interest in each other and part. However, in some cases, people in such couples adapt to each other under the pressure of external factors: children, property issues, etc. But they strongly irritate each other, which is difficult to endure if there is no love.
Extinguishing relations:
Storge and Mania. : Tenderness and passion with shared focus on the cult of love at first makes them very attractive partners for each other. But soon it turns out that they understand love differently, and this is disappointing to both.
Agape and Filia. : Sacrificial attitude and equality together in love are mutually exclusive. Problems in demonstrations of emotions and sexual initiatives can extinguish both of them. Their interests are spiritual, but different. They get bored with each other, although superficial friendship relations can be maintained for a long time.
Analita and Pragma. : Due to shared sober approach to love they first become interested in each other, come together based on mutual respect, but it’s rather cold for them with each other. The emotional side of love is not expressed in this union. In addition, Pragma does not seek to become the way Analita wants to see it. As a result, mutual disappointment arrives.
Eros and Victoria. : In the beginning this union may be turbulent. But Eros, that strives for harmony in feelings and does not accept suppression of personality, becomes disappointed in Victoria, and she, in turn, does not try to keep him. They are both very independent and easily go separate ways.
The problem of relations between people is complex and multifaceted. Of course, approaches, that are based on understanding of relations on emotional and sexual levels, do not completely solve the whole problem of relationships, but they open up the curtain for understanding of this aspect of relationships. For more complete understanding of problems of personal relationships, we propose to take another step into this innermost region.
Personality Accentuation and Types of Emotions¶
Characteristics of emotion types corresponding character accents.
1. Altruistic emotions match the accent character Peacemaker, having a form of relationship Storge. This peculiar form of emotions and the need to promote concrete assistance to people who wish to benefit from them and selflessly to please others. They have a sense of commitment, participation, compassion, empathy, good luck and joy of others as their own.
2. Communication emotions often inherent romance, media relations form Mania. This is the need for emotional contact with people, elated, ecstatic state of feeling and joy of communicating with people. The greatest pleasure for them - to share their experiences and find their response to love someone, the desire to gain the approval and appreciation of others.
3. Gnostic emotions - the most complete experience with an emphasis types of logic, who is most often seen form of Analita. The best part for them - to solve problems through the acquisition of new knowledge. To understand the difficulty of the question or solve a difficult problem to overcome ambiguities in the reasoning, to understand the phenomenon and experience the joy of discovering the truth and clarity of thought gives them great joy
4. Practical emotions often characterized by professionals from his usual form Pragma relations. The pleasure caused by hard work. Enthusiasm useful and necessary thing, with great effort of will and completion of his admiration for the results of labor. Rapture labor process, when fatigue is forgotten and there is a good mood. The extreme manifestation of this form of the emotions expressed in the tendency to obsessive-compulsive disorder - it akizitivnye emotions . They are expressed in the passion for accumulation or collecting things, often unnecessary. For example, to get the desired thing, such a person can break the law with all the ensuing consequences. But this is the area of psychiatry and psychopathology.
5. Aesthetic emotions special pleasure forecasters usually in the form of Agape relationships. It assumes immersion into the past or future, escape from reality, enjoying the beauty of the outside world, volatile and eternal. Those who have strengthened this form of emotions, experiencing feelings of lyrical contemplation of the beauty and harmony of the world. They are characterized by thoughtful, reverie, nostalgia for the past or the future enthusiasm, optimism and faith in the best.
6. Romantic emotions greater inherent dreamer with his usual form Filia relations. Connected with a sense of the mysterious and enigmatic. They can be compared with the intriguing expectation of a miracle. It is the joy of touching the unknown and unusual.
7. Hedonistic emotions - the main demand Epicure-shaped relationship Eros. It is the ability to experience a great joy to meet physical and spiritual needs, which are of particular spiritual comfort: delicious food, comfortable touch to the skin and caressing dress, a pleasant feeling of warmth or refreshing frosty air; the contemplation of nature, the harmony of colors, beautiful people, plants, animals and insects. Enjoying the silence, pleasant smells and sounds, the feeling of relaxation and rest.
8. Glorifying emotions are more common in the winner with his usual form Victoria relations. There are in the knowledge of himself at the center of attention or feeling a sense of superiority over others. The absence of this stimulus leads to a dissatisfaction. it is inherent desire to win recognition and respect, be proud, or the desire to take revenge after the defeat. The extreme manifestation - the so-called pugnicheskie emotions . These emotions speak about the tendency to psychopathology. This - the risk of intoxication sense, the game of life and death, the excitement of the fight and desire to win at any cost.
Correspondence of Forms of Relations and Emotions¶
Exploring forms of relationships, we noticed that there was some relationship between them and the forms of emotion, described Russian psychologist BI Dodonov. Having established these relationships, we have a new classification of the forms of feelings and relationships If you want to learn how to understand the emotional state of another person to be able to bring him joy or achieve emotional harmony, you will be interested to know what emotions bring the largest and most significant satisfaction with the representatives of the various accents of nature with forms of relationships inherent in them.
Typically, each person dominates the type of emotion that matches the leading accent character. This does not mean that emotions do not fall into the category of leading, do not deliver a man pleasure, or not tested at all. Just the most typical type of emotions a person experiences more and c greatest pleasure.
Introduction to the classification of emotions will help you to understand why the other person, which is next to you, does not feel the same joy as you do on those or other external emotional stimuli. Do not accuse him of callousness or enthusiasm, or - even worse, indifference only because he differently arranged.
Knowing the shape of human emotions you are interested, you can learn a lot in him, in his reactions or expectations. This is another way to compare your feelings and desires with the feelings of others and search for a compromise that satisfies both sides fullest. In other words - this is another step towards each other in the difficult and thorny path of understanding.
So, let’s see what form of love - a relationship corresponds to some form of feelings - emotions:
Relations type Storge often are characterized by the most deeply and fully experienced Altruistic emotion, encourage compassion and active assistance to people.
Relations type Mania - Communicative emotions arising as the strongest emotional response to other people’s emotions.
regarding the type of Analita - often characterized by Gnostic emotions associated with the analytical approach to the whole, and the joy of knowing the different patterns of the world.
Relations Pragma type - characterized by more frequent than others, feelings caused by the process and the result of the so-called - Praksicheskie emotions.
regarding the type of Agape - tend to experience more complete aesthetic emotions associated with spiritual values, art and poetry, the beauty of the world and philosophy.
Relations type Filia - to the fullest extent inherent Romantic emotion - experience the mysterious and enigmatic related to the penetration into the hidden essence of phenomena.
Relations type Eros - quite earthly, carnal joy that bring advanced in this case Hedonistic emotions.
Relationships of type Victoria - more than any other characteristic of Gloricheskie emotions associated with the realization of their own superiority over others, a tendency to experience the thrill of satisfied ambition or vanity.
Ages of Love in Our Lives¶
Types of relations that correspond to different age periods.
1. Childhood . The prevailing level of physical development. Boosts introverted sensation reflecting proprietary feelings toward parents and relatives. Selfishness is perceived by young children naturally. Their heavy-handed “I want” - the law for others. Hard to bear a child indifference close to his needs, parental loss, physical punishment, suppression of his will. This indicates an increase in shade demanding and possessive love - Victoria.
2. Adolescence. The onset of physical maturity. In the foreground extraverted sensation caused by the pleasures derived from the outside world and other people. The first caresses, erotic pleasure, delight in the beauty in any of its manifestations. Many problems associated with puberty and the possibilities of its satisfaction, as well as the first sexual experience. All this reinforces the common to all of this age form of love - Eros related to the field of sensations.
3. Youth . The joy of human communication, idealism and enthusiasm, freshness of perception of the world, a lot of emotion. Love and love again. In this age period a lot of emotional problems related to the collapse of the illusion of unrequited love, the hurt pride. Mostly ethical level of personality development, the related sphere of emotions and kind of emotional behavior - Mania.
4. Youth. The acquisition of strong friendships and business relationships, family, the birth of children. The role of family happiness, tender and faithful love. Most in this age group suffer from those who “does not add up” personal life. Form relationships prevail over the form of emotion. The dominant form of relationship - Storge.
5. Start maturity . The role of professionalism and ability to provide the material side of life. Acute dissatisfaction at this age experienced by those who were unable to achieve this at this stage of life. Updated business activity and with it the type of emotional behavior - Pragma.
6. Maturity. After forty years, the people want a stable and orderly life. In place of ethical and business issues come the problems in society and in the family. Tormentor this time for those who “did not take place,” or did not receive the recognition and a reliable status. They brewing reassessment of values ??- that is, mid-life crisis. A related analytical period of life type of relationship - Analita an impact on the behavior of people in this period of life.
7. Getting old . Wise life experience offers an intuitive period of life, when a hint is set to conceal the essence of what is happening. Knowledge and experienced feelings facilitates the search for alternatives to solve problems. This is the period between when the “youth know” and “old age may be.” It solves the set of increasing over the years, family problems and problems related to health. The hardest part is necessary for those who at this age are not able to solve them. And even those who do not have close friends and spiritual life of the satellite. It dominates in this age form of relationship based on the spiritual proximity and common interests - Filia.
8. Old age . The most sentimental and wise period of life when the resignation prevails, and “do not care who wins - him or me.” It brings joy to grasp the beauty and harmony of the world. Feeling a sense of the sublime renunciation and forgiveness. Idealize the past, worried about the mysterious future. It brings comfort to religion. Vanity and resentment - the enemies of spiritual harmony. There is a growing spiritual and in a certain sense - more philosophical form of relationship - Agape.
Perfect harmony could be considered a life in which every age stage have successfully solved the corresponding emotional problems associated with age-related forms of relationships. Since it is hardly possible, try to eliminate in the first place the problems that are associated with actualized at this stage of your life emotion forms. Then you will be more likely to feel emotional comfort.