Communication styles

These descriptions were taken from a section of V. Gulenko's article Life Scenarios: From Ethical Feelings to Sensory Wishes.

Passionate style: ExFx (SEE, IEE, ESE, EIE)

Passionate communication style group is comprised of ethical extroverted types: ENFp (IEE), ESFp (SEE), ENFj (EIE), and ESFj (ESE). This group is most confident in their attitudes towards other people and not afraid to openly show and talk of their feelings, likes and dislikes, and ethical evaluations. These sociotypes are the most sociable ones in informal contact.

Their position in a conversation is an active search for feelings. They bring emotions to people around them. In their life scenarios, it is typical of them to marry earlier on the average than individuals other sociotypes. However, they also separate and divorce more frequently than other sociotypes. These types understand dialogue as an exchange of emotions, as a kind of "sailing" through active currents of life.

This group is designated as ER: their Ego blocks hold either ethics of emotions E (Fe) as the first function, or ethics of relations R (Fi) as the second function.

• See also Video Lectures: Passionate Love Scenario

Cold-blooded style: IxTx (ILI, SLI, LII, LSI)

Cold-blooded communication style group is comprised of logical introverted types: INTp (ILI), ISTp (SLI), INTj (LII), and ISTj (LSI). People of these types are not confident in their feelings and act restrained in their emotional displays. These types are the least sociable ones in informal contact.

Their communication style is opposite to the "Passionate" group. Their position in an informal dialogue is a passive anticipation of feelings. Communication of these types flows according to established courses and norms. Their life scenarios suggest that they marry later in life than representatives of other types and are not inclined to re-marry. Their marriages, as a rule, are the least successful. They understand communication as an exchange of lacking information of explanatory nature. Such communication doesn't lose much if it is carried out only in a written form.

This group is designated as LP: their Ego blocks contain either structural logic L (Ti) as the first function, or business logic R (Te) as the second function.

Business-inclined style: ExTx (LSE, LIE, SLE, ILE)

Business-inclined communication style group is comprised of logical extroverted types: ENTj (LIE), ESTj (LSE), ESTp (SLE), and ENTp (ILE). These types make contact with others over their activities and direct emotions at their work and their engagements.

Their communication style can be called an active expectation of feelings. Business-inclined sociotypes expect to meet their other half in the whirlpool of their activities. The standard image of a typical man prescribes him an active position in life, but not in the area of feelings. In romantic literature, the hero gets acquainted with his future beloved by rescuing her from troubles. These sociotypes interpret communication as a business cooperation.

This group is designated as PL: their Ego blocks contain either business logic R (Te) as the first function, or structural logic L (Ti) as the second function.

Sincere/Soulful style: IxFx (EII, ESI, IEI, SEI)

Sincere/Soulful communication style group is comprised of ethical introverted types: INFp (IEI), ISFp (SEI), INFj (EII), and ISFj (ESI).

This position can be described as a passive search for feelings. Being ethical, "Sincere" sociotypes confidently choose a partner who has appealed to them, but as introverts, they express their openness to relational contact by indirect signals. This is the kind of behavior that is expected from a woman during the premarital period in traditional societies. These sociotypes are most inclined to "home-making" with stereotypical distribution of roles: man – as the bread-winner and defender of the family, woman – as the guardian of the family and nurturer of children. They understand communication as an exchange of signs of soulful/heartfelt attachments.

This group is designated as RE: their Ego blocks contain either ethics of relations R (Fi) as the first function, or ethics of emotion E (Fe) as the second function.

Favorable communication scenarios

4.1.

For analysis of intergroup relations, I will be relying on the following, known to me through experience socionics observations and consultations, tendencies in life:

• Ethical type is instinctively drawn to logical type, and vice versa. The psychological atmosphere in a purely logical pair turns out to be too dry and boring, and in a purely ethical pair - very hectic and overloaded with emotions. Secondary in strength attraction is possible between two logical types if one of them has intensified emotionality, or between two ethical types if one of them possesses intensive logical inclinations.

• Introvert is instinctively drawn to the extrovert, and vice versa, although the strength of this attraction and not as strong as in the first case. Extroverts win over, and introverts allow themselves to be won over. Peaceful coexistence of the two extroverts is possible only when they artificially divide their spheres of activity. Almost always, however, in such pair there arises a struggle for power, and the loser feels himself slighted. The union of two introverts may not be as unfavorable if one of them assumes the role of an active in the external world person. Without such special measure, this pair is practically destined to self-isolation.

4.2.

Conducting socionics consultations for harmonization of interpersonal relations in a couple, it is recommended to consider the following averaged scenarios of intertype dynamics.

1. "Business-like" (PL) and "Sincere" (RE) types.

The successful combination of these two types of communication styles allows to achieve homeostasis – a self-sustaining state of equilibrium within the system and in its external interactions with the environment. In the event of internal disagreements between the partners, the "Business-like" partner, as an extrovert, actively influences the "Sincere" partner, who without much resistance yields to his influence. Due to "Sincere" partner's ability to smooth out the sharp edges equilibrium is restored. When this couple has conflicts with others people, the "Sincere" partner feels more upset, since he/she is an ethical type. However, due to introversion, "Sincere" partner simply presents the problem to the "Business-like" partner, who undertakes appropriate measures. As a result, this pair is stable against destructive external influences.

2. "Passionate" (ER) and "Cold-blooded" (LP) types.

This is another good combination of types of communication, capable of providing natural self-regulation in a couple. This scenario unfolds as follows. In the event of internal conflicts in this pair, the "Passionate" partner begins to influence the "Cold-blooded" partner from the position of extroverted expansion in order to change his partner's behavior to his favor. However, the "Cold-blooded" partner, being little inclined to emotions, does not give in to these attempts. However, over time his behavior changes simply as a consequence of changes in his own assessment of the situation. The "Passionate" partner feels satisfaction from this, and by that time his ardor has already cooled down, and conflict naturally extinguishes itself. In the case of external aggression, the "Cold-blooded" type is inclined to ignore it and continue with his activities as if nothing has happened. This restrained position is very appealing to the "Passionate" partner, for it allows him to take care of the emerging ethical issues on his own.

The types of interactions described above contain, in generalized form, 4 intertype relations. The most successful combinations are dual pairs LSE-EII, ILE-SEI, SLE-IEI, and LIE-ESI, followed by semi-dual, supervision, and conflict relations. Even conflicting relations, when partners gain certain safe distance, possess stability. In dual relations, on the contrary, homeostasis is reached only at close communicative distances.

4.3.

The following two kinds of relationships provide psychological homeostasis only partially. Compatibility between them is of average significance. Either internal disagreements or external destructive influence can undermine these relations.

3. "Business-like" (PL) and "Cold-blooded" (LP) types.

Events in this pair usually follow this scenario. Both partners in this pair are quite indifferent to ethical influences. "Business-like" partner tries to use "Cold-blooded" partner for his purposes, but his efforts don't lead to anything. Over time and after a series of unsuccessful attempts, the desire of "Business-like" partner to change situation to his own tastes fades, and partners start drifting apart. Internal equilibrium, nevertheless, is attained in this way. In relation to people around them, this pair turns out to be insensitive. Each is busy with something of his own. However, if external influences are so strong that they affect the low-activity ethical functions of partners, quarrels begin between them concerning how to respond. This impaired balance with the outside world for them is very difficult to restore.

4. "Passionate" (ER) and "Sincere" (RE) types.

The particularities of adaptation to each other here are as follows. Each partner in this pair, being an ethical type, has a good sense and understanding that any conflict that arises between them has a very negative impact on life and activities of the other. However, only the "Sincere" partner will try to change his or her own behavior. The "Passionate" partner will only demand change in partner's behavior. Since the "Sincere" type will usually yield, peace will be recovered after a series of emotional outbursts. If this pair has conflicts with others around them, events immediately become dramatized. In this pair, there is an observable tendency to transfer any impairment in external relations to their own internal conflicts. Any discussion of external events can easily lead to a quarrel. The driving force of such a scenario - an excess of emotions. Equilibrium of this pair is thus unstable against internal differences.

Less than optimal scenarios

1. "Passionate" (ER) and "Business-like" (PL) types.

This life scenario is perhaps the most dynamic and controversial one. Since both partners are extroverts, each partner tries to change the behavior of the other. Both are active and do not wish to adapt to the other. "Business-like" partner finds an outlet in an even greater amount of work and activities, while "Passionate" partner attempts to sort out their aggravating relations. Conflict becomes even more inflated due to this. In relations with people around them, both try to actively influence the outside world and begin to compete with each other for leadership. With this, the "Business-like" partner plays a more active role in these collisions, because he believes that the "Passionate" partner's lack of emotional restrained harms their common cause. This pair is quarrelsome: it is very difficult to achieve stability in it against both internal and external negative factors.

2. "Sincere" (RE) and "Cold-blooded" (LP) types.

This life scenario is infused with internal contradictions and oscillations. Due to introversion, in the event of disagreements, each partner seeks to change primarily himself or herself. However, the response of "Sincere" partner comes quicker and is more noticeable. Thus, he begins to believe that he is sacrificing himself for the sake of peace in this relationship. "Cold-blooded" partner as if doesn't notice these peace-ensuring actions. An impression arises that he does not appreciate the sacrifices of the "Sincere" type. This creates tension in their relationship. At the same time, neither of them can change the surrounding them world towards a more favorable for them outcome due to their introversion. Therefore, external negative impacts on such a pair can easily destroy it. The more unstable in this respect turns out to be the "Sincere" partner, having sensitive perception of external sympathies and antipathies. Consequently, this pair does not have effective mechanisms for maintaining homeostasis.

3. Two "Business-like" (PL) types.

Both seek to influence their partner for the sake of achieving their own goals, but both are also unreceptive towards such influences. As a result of this, brief but intense conflicts often break out in such a couple. Both attempt to influence people around them, but don't really know how to coordinate their actions. Each does everything for the purpose of turning the course of events in his favor. Compatibility improves only when both stand as a united front against an external competitor or opposition.

4. Two "Passionate" (ER) types.

In such highly communicative pair petty accusations against each other cannot be avoided. Each will try to affect the other in an extroverted manner, but neither of them gives way. It will seem to both of these partners that the other does not understand them, so there will be a strong desire to sort out relations. However, any attempts to prove one's correctness to the other partner usually lead to nothing. Due to this, conflict does not fade for a long time. In contact with their environment, both compete in the emotional impact on it. Such a pair is easily made to quarrel, since the emotional excess in it must find an outlet. In the case of defending mutual interests against external encroachments the coordination of joint activities is complicated. Reaching equilibrium in communication for the long term in this pair is unrealistic.

5. Two "Sincere" (RE) types.

Each partner in this pair will try in every way to avoid collisions. This stabilizes the couple as a whole. However, if a conflict between them does arise, its cause will be seen in the actions of the other partner. This reduces the degree of reciprocity in relations. Although this pair easily compromises, it is also touchy and lacking in honesty. External problems each partner tries to solve independently, without the help of the other, as each soon becomes convinced that prompting the other to extraverted actions doesn't lead to anything. The consequence of such a position - is mutual disappointment in the competitiveness of each other. However, the existence of a common acceptable goal or purpose can unite "Sincere" couple quite strongly. This goal should be in maintaining a warm psychological atmosphere and existing relations within the framework of significant to them micro-collective. For example, in raising children.

6. Two "Cold-blooded" (LP) types.

Rather unfortunate life scenario due to lack of activity and emotional warmth. Each of the partners is insensitive to the efforts of the other and responds to his actions with much delay. Therefore, although this couple rarely conflicts, there is practically no positive cooperation between them. One partner leaves the other partner alone, and is content that he's not being bothered himself. Emerging conflicts fade rapidly, since no one "adds fuel to the fire". When external circumstances change, each partner tries to independently adapt to the changes. Help for each other turns out to be minimal. Due to this, an atmosphere of alienation arises in this pair. Uniting goal or purpose can improve compatibility in this pair, such as development of methods, procedures, schemes, instructions, or forecasts.

"Benefit" types are better suited for joint enterprises than identical or business types. It has been observed that "benefactors" become pulled to their "beneficiaries", hoping to find in them "contractors" ("executors") of their ideas and plans [4].