Duality Relations INFp and ESTp by Stratiyevskaya¶
Written by Vera Stratievskaya: original blog entry.
1. IEI-SLE. First stage of dualization. Aspect of sensing of experiences (channel 3-7). IEI’s aesthetic standards. (“Meet by the dressjudge by the mind.”)¶
It is difficult to find people who would superficially appear to be as different as the members of this dyad. On one hand, we have the down-to-earth, realistic, tough and straightforward SLE Zhukov who values his/her knowledge of life and ability to take on life “as it is”; on the other hand we have an idealist and a dreamer, a refined “aristocratic” romantic, fragile and vulnerable IEI Esenin. Seemingly, what could such people share in common and how are they supposed to complement and balance each other?
As in any irrational dyad, partners here at first coordinate their sensations and perceptions. Thus it’s not surprising that the first stages of dualization fall on the aspect of sensing of experiences, which is the role aspect of the IEI and observing aspect of SLE. The saying: “Meet by the dress …” carries a lot of importance for this dyad.
According to the predominant attitudes of the second quadra, a person is expected to assume a worthy place within the society (within a system or a hierarchy), and to make a good impression in every aspect, to demonstrate that he, too, “wasn’t born yesterday”. Since this opinion is shared by both representatives of this dyad, here it is customary to pay attention to the outward appearance (especially “public” appearance), and, accordingly, make evaluations of the appearance of others. It is exactly with his elegance and refined manners that the IEI imparts a favorable impression on the SLE. Conversely, the somewhat rough in his movements and awkward in his behavior SLE may at first seem off-putting to the IEI. However, the SLE is able to present himself effectively in another manner: he is able to make an impression of a person who is respectable, who has confidence in himself, who is well-to-do and well-suited for life, who knows to appreciate the enjoyments and graces of life and knows how to acquire them. Bot of the representatives of this dyad usually know how to make a favorable impression on those around them. In this dyad, the ability (and the desire) to show oneself “upfront” is valued, as is the skill to bestow honors and praises and to value and appreciate them.
Elegant appearance and appropriate for the occasion festive atmosphere here is a sign of great respect. The question “for what/whom did you dress up?” has no place in the second quadra. Dressing up for a meeting is a way of showing one’s deference. Members of this dyad might feel offended if a person comes to an important meeting without prior preparation and not dressed to the occasion. Observance of rituals, customs, and traditions here, as in any aristocratic dyad, is of importance. If his partner underestimates the importance of accepted customs and traditions, the IEI may feel upset and offended and later even take revenge for such dismissiveness:
An example from life of an IEI-SLE couple: “She (SLE) has arrived to the music conservatory’s graduation ceremony of her IEI partner in everyday work clothes, conventional business dress and boots, without flowers to present them to her IEI partner and his graduate advisor. She didn’t have the time to stop by home to change her outfit - didn’t think of this in advance. She didn’t bother to put on makeup or do her hair. And of course, it did not occur to her to arrange for a celebration in honor of his graduation. However, she did remember to criticize him for his mediocre performance at the final concert, and the “C” mark that he has gotten for his graduate work: he’s put so much effort into it and the result was less than modest, a C with so many difficulties. She didn’t forgive him this mediocre success, while he has never forgiven her for her offhand and dismissive attitude towards such an important event in his life. And in less than a week they parted. After the concert, he went out to visit some of his friends. Then, a week later, he gathered his things and filed for a divorce. She thought that after getting his diploma he has grown arrogant and pretentious, and therefore no longer saw her as an equal to him partner. On the average, this wasn’t too far from the truth: he didn’t consider her to be someone sensitive and considerate enough to be a match for him. In some sense he has decided to take revenge on her for her rude and offhand approach to such an important event in his life. He tried to talk with her about it, but she again didn’t understand him: “Who cares if he’s gotten a diploma. That’s nothing exceptional. He should try to find a job with this certificate. There are so many musicians around … Now there’s one more.” From her point of view, it was too early to celebrate - with his specialty it wasn’t clear whether it’s better to even have a diploma. Additionally, she was afraid that his new requirements will lead to even further disappointments for which she will have to pay with her labor, her patience, and material support. But none of this has happened for he has simply left her. This new stage of him has coincided with a search for a new environment that is more accepting and conductive towards his bearing in life.
2. IEI-SLE. The potential of power and possibilities within the dyad. Coordination on the aspect of intuition of potential.¶
Representatives of these types also coordinate their positions on the aspect of intuition of possibilities (Ne). Both of them see for themselves some openings and options for occupying a certain place within a system (within a hierarchy or a superstructure). Here the SLE tries to present himself in the most favorable light and make an impression of a person who has open potential and prospects, and who has “everything under his grasp”. As for the IEI, the aspect of Ne corresponds to his observing function: he intuitively follows what is happening around him, observes that others don’t “pass over his head”, that he isn’t being forgotten and deprived or “thrown overboard”. The IEI is also sometimes not averse to bluff a little and insinuate that he has some sort of connections and opportunities (and often they are within his reach).
The IEI is no less capable that the SLE to achieve a certain position within some sphere, but in contrast to his dual he does so gently, tactfully, using his charm and creative ethics: “I heard that there is a new department that is recruiting people. Is there any chance for an opening there?” Once obtaining the position, the IEI is usually able to keep his place within a system by proving that he is “indispensable”. Of course, he has the easiest time with this when he is dealing with his dual.
3. IEI-SLE. Interaction of a logical constructivist and an ethical emotivist.¶
The IEI is able to foresee impending dangers of ethical-intuitive kind - a quality that is valued within second quadra. This allows him to anticipate somebody’s insidious plan, a possible betrayal, treachery, hostility, detect lack of sincerity. With such information and “forecasts” the IEI provides an invaluable service to his dual. By this he wins over his dual’s consideration and trust in shortest time possible, becomes his “right-hand man/woman”, freely and confidentially communicates with him on any topic. In intuitive-ethical sense the IEI has the same effect on the SLE as does the EIE on the LSI.
A dualized SLE prefers to build his relations relying on IEI’s advice and suggestions. He frequently consults with the IEI about the intentions and behavior of other people, as well as what could be expected and from whom. It is typical for a non-dualized SLE to experience a measure of psychological discomfort of ethical-intuitive nature, which manifests in the way of heightened distrust and suspicions, cynicism, cruelty, brutality, that create certain communication problems for the SLE. This is why he needs a partner with flexible, agile, and diplomatic ethics, who has, among other things, possesses keenness of perception of ethical-intuitive kind that is, all the qualities with which Esenin is endowed in excess. Ethically, the IEI is able to adapt situationlly to any environment. He is a conformist he is often friendly, helpful, genuinely enthusiastic, often capable of “melting” and winning over even the most uncommunicative person. It is not surprising, therefore, that the SLE finds it easiest to communicate with him. The IEI usually takes on all ethical initiative onto his shoulders: he bridges the interpersonal distance with ease, assumes a light and casual tone in conversation, very quickly adapts to his conversation partner, makes light and charming jokes.
Is the IEI not put off by SLE’s cynicism, harshness, and directness? These qualities are rarely directed at the IEI in a hostile form. Whatever the case might be, such qualities don’t seem to destroy IEI’s system of ethics. The SLE is also capable of being kind, generous, and fair. In cases of a successful dualization these are the qualities that he is most likely to show towards his dual partner. It’s very rare that the IEI is seen as an enemy by the SLE, especially so because the IEI himself finds these “enemies” for him.
What about the instances when their interests clash and they come into opposition? Would the IEI be able to fend for himself? Yes, he would. Creatively manipulating his implementation aspect of “ethics of emotions” the IEI is able to achieve much.
Here’s an example: The young man of the type IEI has married a very wealthy, but no longer young woman of the type SLE. (This situation was obviously somewhat risky for his aging partner.) In this relationship, all of the desires and whims of the young man were unconditionally carried out. He managed a business as did his wife, but unlike his wife he did so poorly. When his business went under, his wife paid for all of his debts. After that, the couple has decided that he will no longer work - it was too expensive for the family - but instead he will manage their household and family affairs. This was the second mistake for his SLE wife: to lock up a young guy in four walls and assign him many boring household chores and responsibilities. He of course didn’t take care of them but lived his life as he pleased, socialized with whomever he pleased, went out to see his friends and stayed over with them. His wife rarely saw him around, and of course she started questioning his absences. Her chief concern was the relation of her IEI husband towards her. Add to this their age difference, and fears, and uncertainty about the future, and the sense that you’re only being used. In short, this woman has decided to bring order to their family affairs. Since she couldn’t resolve the situation with direct inquiries, she turned to a private detective agency and asked them to watch her husband. This was her third mistake. It’s very easy to understand where she was coming from: she felt that her marriage was falling apart, she didn’t feel support coming from her IEI husband over her weak intuitive and ethical aspects, but was instead left alone to her doubts and fears - and this was the result. Her husband soon guessed that he is being watched. Perhaps he had even foreseen such turn of events and even subconsciously instigated it. In short, he was able to capitalize on the situation, more so since the guys from the “agency” unwittingly helped him in this - they were doing their work in too crude and “visible” a manner. Thus, our hero immediately took advantage of their mistakes and quickly put together a compromising story of his faithful wife thus shifting the accusations on her poor, innocent head, and forcing her to repent her unfounded suspicions and be tormented with the most cruel remorse. “She paid off my debts” - he would say “and I was loyal and faithful to her since after all she has done for me it would be wrong of me to cheat on her … By her suspicions she has offended me. It’s hard for me to understand what has happened and to forgive…” That is, now he shifted the crux of the guilt onto her shoulders - it turned out that she was the one to blame. His wife begged him to forgive her, while he obtained even greater freedom to do as he wishes, additionally no longer considering himself to be her debtor.
One of the complication in this case has been that the SLE woman was significantly older than her husband. Even in dual union such a difference in age is undesirable. This of course exacerbated her insecurities, since people of SLE type their position in the family, in the system, the society rarely seems sufficiently reliable and durable. Sensing logical types always find it difficult to prognose how their relationships are developing. But the logical sensing types of 2nd quadra are especially vulnerable in this respect. Excessive suspicion and mistrust take a toll on them, as does consideration of prejudices, traditions, and false stereotypes and incorporating these into their thinking. Representative of intuitive logical (NT) and sensing ethical (SF) types feel themselves more confident in same situations due to having strong intuitive or ethical aspects: they have the ability to prognose and anticipate and predict, or the ability to influence and fix the situation ethically. The perception of ST types, however, is blunted and “blanked out” on both ethical and intuitive fronts.
Does this mean that ethical intuitive (NF) types have the most advantage in a relationship? They can in some situations afford themselves to be much older than their spouses. Here is a unique example of an older women of type IEI who is 12 years senior her husband. The reader may think that this must have been a very confident in herself and successful woman. However, this wasn’t the case. There was no success, nor elevated self-esteem. Before she met her dual, she was an abandoned by her previous husband housewife raising three children and undergoing terrible depression. Fortunately she was able to find a good job, so after a while she was able to feel herself more confident. She wasn’t thinking of marrying again - there were enough problems as it was. Nevertheless one day she met a young man who quickly and easily dualized with her. Neither the presence of three children, nor their age difference bothered him. Up to date, they have been happily married for five years. Her husband for her is the pinnacle of trustworthiness. Which him she feels like she is “behind a stone wall.” Though of course she must have been a proactive and not a weak person herself if everything has come together so well for her.
And thus we can see that it is not advisable for the SLE to encourage any immature attitudes in the IEI or enable him to indulge in his weakness. But this isn’t that easy. The aspect of extraverted sensing is located in the “point of absolute weakness” in the IEI’s model of the TIM. Thus the IEI uses any and every opportunity to guard himself from unnecessary and unwanted exertion. Additionally he can use his emotional influence to achieve all that he needs. But not always.
Here is an example: A big businessman of type SLE have gotten himself a mistress of type IEI from the type of modest, intelligent, but, alas, unemployed girls. Of course he immediately negotiated all aspects of this “position” as is characteristic of an SLE. This arrangement lasted about three years and ended in a break-up. Why? The situation was initially hopeless and highly unethical for his partner. This was a blow to her ego: neither her intuition nor ethics could be realized and shown under these conditions. Her position was humiliating; she constantly felt that she is the one being “used”. At first, she was still as was hoping that their relationship will be legalized and by all means tryied to influence her partner, but this did not lead to anything, because he was married and for some reason he couldn’t get a divorce. In the end, they had to break up. Of course, he was very upset by this break-up, although the only thing he remembered was her reproaches, debilitating scandals and tantrums with which she exasperated him. It was strange that they have gotten together in the first place. Though there may be nothing strange here. Dualization usually transpires faster and easier than the relationship itself develops (we have already mentioned this).
4. IEI-SLE. Interaction over creative and activating aspects.¶
In the initial stage of relations, the IEI usually demonstrates exceptional sincerity, sensitivity and tact (+Fe) - qualities that are particularly impressive for the SLE. In other words, the IEI treats the SLE in the same way as he would like to be treated himself. And he shows his respect for his partner, which for Zhukov carries a special meaning - the question of his own authority and standing are extremely important for him; he needs to feel respected in the eyes of his partner. It is precisely with respect that Esenin generously lavishes his partner. He with eagerness and enthusiasm admires his partner’s talents (by which he elevates SLE’s self-esteem). In conversation he takes on a demonstratively confidential tone (of course within certain limits, he wouldn’t want to say too much). However, all of this is nothing more than ethical tactics of the IEI, whose purpose of which is clear: to enlist the consideration and support on an influential person.
IEI’s feelings are dynamic and variable. Infatuation, admiration, lyrical-romantic enthusiasm and excitement form the common and natural emotional state for him. In the absence of an “object of affection”, Esenin experiences anger, emptiness, and begins to follow somebody simply out of boredom, in order to fill his life with at least some romantic (“ethical”) content.
Relations between Esenin and his partner become more stable and lasting when the IEI receives some real help, when his everyday problems are resolved - that is, when he receives real support on the aspect of “logic of actions” (Te). And here comes the turn of Zhukov to demonstrate his practical qualities and know-how. As chaotic and disordered is the IEI - as soundly economic and collected is the SLE. In this way they also complement each other. It should also be mentioned that it is precisely by means of real, practical help that the SLE expresses his kind relation for another person.
5. IEI-SLE. Support over “point of least resistance”; interaction over mobilizing and demonstrative functions of logic of actions and ethics of relations.¶
The presence of Zhukov disciplines Esenin. It has been noticed that a dualized IEI often works a lot and very productively. The IEI becomes hard working next to the SLE … and even then, not just any SLE. Still, no other partner is able to involve the IEI in work as well as Zhukov accomplishes this. In this, the SLE aided by his imperious intonation, his “commanding” voice, his gruffness and sternness - it is exactly these qualities that spur IEI’s practical activity.
If Zhukov did not possess such qualities, he would have turned into a disorganized IEI himself. This, by the way, is what happens when members of other sociotypes become IEI’s partners - the IEI begins to relax them and then freeloads at their expense: “You feel so good with me - why not do some work for me?” It is exactly with Zhukov that this trick doesn’t pass. Even though he, too, can do a lot for the IEI, but the SLE won’t allow anyone to freeload, or at least he/she will try to avoid this at all costs.
What explains the lack of order and organization in the life of Esenin and his attempts to freeload at another’s expense? Let’s say this from the onset that he doesn’t notice his own propensity to “climb on the shoulders of others”. Subconsciously, the IEI is oriented at the practical care of his dual partner and his demonstrative aspect of logic of actions (-Te). Additionally, in any relations, the IEI views himself to be an equal partner. As any ethical type, he considers that he has equal rights within any relationship. Relationships are a completely voluntary choice of both partners; thus if someone wants to provide for him, then why not allow them to do so?
From his side, the IEI takes care of his partner ethically and does it very conscientiously. He does so within his own system of values, which, incidentally, coincides only with the values ??of the SLE. Therefore, partners of other types may feel upset and offended at the IEI however much they wish, while the IEI, in turn, will feel rightfully offended not only by the fact that his services were not valued, but also by the fact that he hasn’t been given a chance to fully realize himself (which again is only possible in partnership with Zhukov). On the aspect of logic of relations (-Ti), the IEI considers that he provides his partner with services of equal value - and if they are unappreciated or undervalued, this is not his fault.
Concerning IEI’s participation in any practical undertakings, here he is primarily concerned that he won’t be used or exploited, because this, in his understanding, lowers his social status (it is humiliating): “The main thing is to not be the one on whose back others haul water.” And this is perfectly understandable - in the worldview of the 2nd quadra, where one is greeted “by the dress” and escorted “by the mind”, the ability to take up an advantageous position within the hierarchy is very important. In second quadra, it is shameful to be an unsophisticated simpleton, to be a weakling, to be the “last one”. That is why the “smart alecks” and “artful/shrewd upstarts”, who want to be smarter than everyone else and run ahead of everyone, are resented and despised here. It is because of them that the others feel themselves falling behind, which in itself is upsetting and embarrassing.
Here, we are dealing with the “complex” of the second quadra - the complex of “being a peon”. Nowhere does this complex manifest as vividly as in the dyad IEI-SLE. For the IEI and the SLE occupying a comfortable place and achieving success in life is just as important as for the EIE and the LSI. They may start out as someone’s “underling” or “assistant” but to remain at this level is already embarrassing. This is why the IEI always closely tracks the upward movement and promotion of others and uses their pace as point of orientation for himself. Incidentally, it should be mentioned that an SLE with understated social status is not very attractive for his dual. However, usually the SLE is helped in this by his natural ambition and desire for leadership. SLE men, of course, have more opportunities to realize their program, thus in many situations they feel more confident and are at more advantage than the SLE women. As has already been mentioned, Zhukov with low self-esteem risks losing his dual.
It may even be said that the SLE substitutes his strong sensing for ethics - he proves his rights and legitimacy by force. And why not? Within the framework of dual relations, volitional resolution of ethical situations eliminates many problems for Zhukov - by this approach he doesn’t allow the IEI to let himself loose, doesn’t permit for himself to be pushed around or treated with scorn and disregard, and shows himself a worthy and equal partner in every regard.
Is this why the IEI begins to work “full steam” next to the SLE? Yes, if the IEI feels himself “in the same harness” with him, if these duals share common goals and interests.
The dyad IEI-SLE is very resilient and enduring under extreme conditions. For example, in conditions of emigration members of this dyad have the easiest time adapting to and assimilating their new environment: they incorporate themselves on any terms into an already established system, and then purposefully and systematically work for their place under the sun. The “push-through” qualities of the SLE here successfully combine with the intuitive flexibility and maneuverability of the IEI (very few people know how to “keep their nose to the wind” as well as does the IEI). It is no accident that the members of this dyad often hold key positions not only during the totalitarian regimes (the society of the “second quadra”), but also during the transition to the third quadra, to the society of “free market economy” …
And how does the IEI fit into this contingent? In what capacity? As a “trustee” or the spouse of a businessman. The female representatives of this type are always so feminine, graceful and elegant, very suitable for such a role. Perhaps this kind of childlike vulnerability of the IEI is very attractive for the SLE. Next to Esenin he feels himself more courageous and strong. The aspect of volitional sensing indeed is located at the infantile level for the IEI, in the block of SUPERID in the position of “absolute weakness”. In this way the relation of the “program” aspect of SLE and the “suggestive” aspect of the IEI advantageously highlight one another - the SLE doesn’t feel shy or afraid of his own volitional capabilities next to the IEI; he feels comfortable and natural in the role of the defender and protector of the weak.
How is it that the IEI doesn’t hesitate to demonstrate his weakness? This is not entirely correct to say - the IEI will try to advantageously use his weaknesses (the 5th position is always on the infantile level of the TIM model, but nevertheless this is a “manipulative” block). In partnership with the SLE he is especially successful at it. As has been mentioned previously, the IEI allows others to patronize him and take care of himself. This is, ethically he constructs the situation in such way that others even ask for it themselves. And let us agree, that it takes skill to build relationships in this manner!
6. IEI-SLE. Mutual dependence. Interaction in presences of common and divergent objectives.¶
Subconsciously the IEI assesses his conversation partners very quickly on intuitive aspects. Everything else comprises his ethical “tools”: the manipulation of emotions and the demonstration of certain relationships.
Under which conditions does this happen? Most often this occurs when the IEI is a spoiled, over-pampered man with elevated self appraisal, while the SLE is a patient, loyal, selflessly devoted woman who takes on the function not only of his wife but also that of his mother (we have already discussed such an example). It is clear from the first glance that this is not the most beneficial and successful coupling. The situation is further aggravated the longer their relations remain ethically and socially uncertain. Let’s recall that the first mistake of the SLE woman in our previous example has been that she was in a hurry to legalize her relations. And she is not the only one who commits such a mistake. For a SLE woman, as for any other woman of logical-sensing type of the second quadra, it is very important to consolidate her relations with a certain social status. This is understandable: she strives to reinforce her weak ethical and intuitive aspects with her stronger aspects of sensing and “localized” logic of relations (logic of “systems” or “hierarchical structures”). That is, the reasoning here goes something like this: “It’s not clear how our relations will develop, but at least there will be a stamp in the passport. Then he won’t be able to simply leave me. I’ll take it up to local union/court - I will find him anywhere …” Such a straightforward and ambitious partner may resort to any means and make any sacrifices and concessions in order to “get the man” that she wants.
But here the IEI won’t be in a hurry, because it will be important for him to first secure his own influence. He finds himself in a situation where his every wish is being met, and even makes his partner beg him for this “favor”. Acting in this manner he intuitively “out-plays” his partner, keeps her “on the hook”, and sets his own pace and tone to the development of their relations. At this stage, the IEI may be tempted to fall into a role of a pampered, moody child who pulls and pulls from his “good aunt/mother” (as much as it’s permitted by his “intuition of possibilities” which outlines for him the “permissible limit” of what he can get).
Here it would be nice for the SLE to apply his “knowledge of life”, to assess the situation from the point of view of “opposition of partners”, to understand that he is being tested and invited to measured up his skill. This is the situation to use his authoritarian tone and to “show who’s boss”. And how could it be otherwise? Should he tolerate the tantrums of his dual? Give in to the demonstrative sentimentality? We have already seen where this will lead him. Here what is important is the level of development of SLE’s normative “intuition of possibilities” (channel 3-7): will he pick up “which way the wind is blowing” and notice that his partner is testing him for how easily he will give in, by which the IEI also asserts his own rights to all-permissiveness?
In the meantime, the situation becomes more complicated ethically. The SLE becomes more and more ethically vulnerable to and dependent on the IEI. Besides, the SLE is very limited in his actions: certain ethical inertness and straightforwardness typical of the representative of this type prevent them from changing their tactics at the right time (especially since they aren’t always able to sense the “right time”). Again, a SLE woman may decide to not force things due to gender roles: “a woman should not impose herself on the man”. In this respect SLE men have certain advantages: they can take their dual “by the storm” giving the IEI little time to think things over. SLE woman cannot press things in such a manner, especially if she holds herself to typical gender prejudices. Thus, an IEI man is often able to “stretch out the time”, and therefore subordinate his partner to his will and wishes and restrain her by fear: “who knows if we’ll get married or not?” She, in the meanwhile, grows nervous and painfully aware of her ambiguous position (in understanding of the second quadra), and at the same time she starts developing a way to “guarantee” her future; for example, she may even become pregnant to oblige him to marry her.
The reader may think that this is one strange dual relationship. But there is nothing strange here. What we have discussed were cases where the goals of the duals did not coincide: when the woman wants to get married as quickly as possible (if only because she feel afraid of being “too late” and to be “left behind”), while the man is happy with the the situation as it is (someone is caring for him like his “mother”).
Equipped with such a strong “program” intuition of time, the IEI himself sets the pace to their interaction and development of their relations. And he will not hurry the events if he isn’t eager to speed up this pace (even if at the beginning he can make promising allusions that he would take all the ethical initiative and by this very much “hook” his partner and hold her on the hook).
It is not all the difficult to realize by which this means this “tactic” is implemented - by ethical ones. IEI’s way of communication is notably emotional (implementing function of “ethics of emotions). He manipulates emotions with refinement and finesse, applies the entire “palette” of emotional colors, demonstrating modesty (that impresses the SLE), softness and tenderness in his voice, and slight ironic arrogance, and somewhat mysterious but at the same time encouraging dalliance.
Even the IEI men? For them this sometimes manifests this even more vividly than for IEI women. It is clear that such an emotional range practically deprives the SLE of any ethical initiatives (and this is another aspect of these dual relations). It is clear that on emotional-ethical plane the SLE is not only relaxed by the IEI but also almost hypnotized by him. (Zhukov relaxes and becomes suggested by the aspect of “intuition of time” which is the “program” aspect of the IEI.) IEI’s emotions have a fascinating and alluring effect on the SLE; the SLE is not only open but also helpless before them.
That is why the IEI can do with Zhukov what he wants? He can, but what he wants is something that only the SLE can provide for him - defense, protection, and resolution of his problems. The power of Esenin lies in his ability to have the influence over the strongest.
Often it is the sharp and categorical approach of the SLE, his unwillingness to be sensitive towards his at time overbearing dual, that provides for the IEI the much needed focus and organization. Partners of other types often experience a need to resort to these kinds of “methods” to bring the IEI to his senses. Understandably, they run into problems reproducing what comes naturally to Zhukov. On the example of a young woman of type SEE explaining her issues to her therapist: “I don’t know what to do. By nature I am a warm and friendly person, but at the fault of my husband I turn into a complete bitch. He is as if constantly mocking me and testing my patience. He continues to push my buttons until I snap and answer him sharply and pound my fist on the table. But this is so unpleasant for me, I start hating myself for it afterwards …”
Esenin doesn’t suffice with only patronage - he wants to put himself on an equal footing with his partner. And he does this by his own means and his own fighting qualities, which he superbly manifests in the form of an emotional attack of quite an incredible force. Moreover, his program function of “intuition of time” suggests to him the moment most suitable for this. Esenin uses this approach not only in the realm of his personal relationships, but also to assert his social status, to attain his “place under the sun”, and to keep it. For example, he can employ his emotional and ethical advantages to compensate for his weakness in his pragmatic qualities. Just try to refer to him as a poor employee. Immediately he will learn of this opinion personally, and woe be to him who not only said that, but also to those who listened and said nothing. Esenin will put up such a scandal that everyone will be put on their toes. As any intuitive type of the second quadra, the IEI is vengeful and rancorous. And add to that his confrontational and instigating qualities, and a subconscious tendency to sadism. (After all, the IEI in some ways is a “replication” of the problematic qualities of the SLE.) No, the IEI won’t hide his fighter qualities, and will demonstrate them in full to whoever he finds necessary, at least for prophylactic purposes.
The IEI’s emotional attacks are exhausting even for the SLE, even though the SLE seems like a person who is “thick-skinned” and not particularly emotionally sensitive. Nevertheless representatives of this type consider themselves to be sensitive and vulnerable. With inert ethics, the SLE can be emotionally touchy and easily takes offense, feeling himself to not be very well versed in ethical questions, inexperienced, and exposed as a child. (Every person is vulnerable and emotional sensitive in his or her own manner.) Esenin soon learns about Zhukov’s “weak spots” and starts to exert influence on them. And this is normal: each of them is simply applying his own creative function. Esenin has strong and mobile ethics, but weak and inert logic. Zhukov has strong and mobile logic, but weak and inert ethics. If the IEI pressures the SLE emotionally, then the SLE pressures the IEI logically.
7. IEI-SLE. Harsh games, dangerous ties.¶
The psychological distance in this dyad is regulated very simply. The IEI uses his flexible creative ethical function to regulate it: he’s tender - then cold, offended - then enthusiastic, aloof and distant - the suddenly he bridges the distance.
And how far can he distance? He may even get someone else on the side in cases when no other means have an effect on his partner. From such “ethical games”, he extracts certain benefits: in addition to entertainment and new experiences, he discovers new people and new opportunities. And for this partner this serves as a warning, that in the future he would be more attentive and caring, that he would pay attention to IEI’s problems. However, usually the IEI doesn’t play such games with the SLE - it would be too dangerous.
But since such an “option” exists in Esenin’s ethical program, does it have an application? Yes, it does - it’s purpose is to influence a partner who is sufficiently weak-willed, non-resilient, and slow. This option is resorted to only in extreme situations before leaving a partner - it is meant to test his sense of self-respect, self-esteem, and ability to protect his interests.
And how does the SLE react to this? The SLE leaves if he has reached the limit of his patience. Here is an example of such a story: the wife - of type SLE, the husband - of type IEI.
“I got married for the first time in my life, but after the wedding it turned out that my husband didn’t love me. He wasn’t allowed to marry the girl that he really loved, and so he ended up marrying me. We divorced soon afterwards … With the second husband, I couldn’t help myself but fall in love - he was such a charming, affable man with almost an angelic appearance. He seemed so kind and sympathetic, but also rather thoughtless and impulsive. I don’t know whom of us was at fault for this, but he lied to me constantly. He would go out, then disappear for several days, skip his work and provide the more unbelievable explanations - first he went to bury his aunt, then his uncle - he must have buried all his relatives! Such an inventive storyteller! It happened once that he called his work and told them: “Tell so-and-so that his wife got into a car accident.” And then he took vacation supposedly to care for his wife. I came back from a business trip and called him at work, and they told me there: “He’s in the hospital, looking after his wife. She’s gotten into a car accident.” Later my friends would ask me: “So? How do you feel?” I would answer: “How can I feel after a car crash?” He lied constantly, always coming up with something. I remember once he hasn’t come home for three days. I was already thinking of divorcing him, when he shows up with a distraught look almost crying: “Oh, Galya, help me through this. I ran over a man. He’s in a hospital now. What will happen to me? Tomorrow I have to go to court. Oh, help me survive this. Such an unfortunate situation!” Well, how could I divorce him after this? The person is in trouble - I have to rescue my husband! I gathered together three bags of groceries and products and ran to the hospital that he named to me. But when I asked there about this man they said: “We don’t have anyone by this name. You must be mistaken.” I went back home to find that in the mean time my husband has once again slipped out somewhere. That’s how he lied to me. And each time he came back and asked me to forgive him and promised to change - he believed in this himself, that he could change. And try not forgive him, he wold immediately become offended and angry at me: “Ah, you don’t believe me! You don’t want to help me!”
And so I believed him. I couldn’t not believe him - he was so convincing in his lies. (1) And I couldn’t hold a grudge at him. He was so handsome, so charming! I kept thinking: “Well, why would he lie to me? Why does he want to keep me? What does he want from me?” After all, he always had two-three women in reserve in case I divorce him and throw him out. And so he said himself, that if we split up, he can get married the very next day … (1) As we already know, the reason here is not “convincing lies” but a trusting relationship with a dual, which his partner undoubtedly valued.
I was told: “If he is enjoying himself, then enjoy yourself too. Be smarter - you have to adapt yourself to him somehow”. One day he comes back after a three-day absence, and I come out of a room all flustered and angry and tell him that I’m leaving. He asks me: “Where?” I reply: “Where you went - I’ll go there!” I went out on the street, first saw my mother, then visited a friend - two hours I’ve wandered around, then I came back home. He was so angry at me and asked: “Where have you been? What were you doing all this time?” And I said: “I don’t know what you were doing there for three days - two hours were enough for me!”
And I knew that I should break up with him, but I couldn’t. The moment that I would start to feel that I can’t endure this any longer, he suddenly improved. We sent him to a rehab and afterwards I thought everything will be fine - why should I leave him? He lasted a year, and then he started to disappear - old habits consumed him again.
I suffered, endured everything, but eventually we parted … This is how it happened: we have decided to do some repairs together. I came back from a business trip, loaded with paints and brushes. Getting back, I enter the kitchen and see another woman there pouring some soup. My husband is looking at us from another room, watching what will happen. This woman looks as me and says: “I only know him for a week. He told me that his wife left him, moved to anther city, but I can see you have a serious relationship - house, kids, so if you’d like, take him back …” And I measured her up with one glance and answered: “After you? No, let him stay with you. I don’t need him, like this …” That was the end. After that we broke up, because this was the last straw, the last drop. After this I couldn’t forgive him … “
So, it turns out that in this dyad lies are not forgiven? What is not forgiven is the abuse of trust. This is one of the most strict rules in interpersonal relationships. And one of the worst disappointments in relations of duality.
Part II : Duality as unity and struggle of the opposites.¶
8. Socio-mission of the IEI.¶
Zhukov is not as defenseless as it might seem. He doesn’t allow himself to remain at a disadvantage. He won’t refuse an attempt to recover even more than that which has been lost. Moreover, here he may act by the most brutal and oppressive methods. Woe to him who has provoked him or stood in his way. The consequences can be most unpleasant and alarming …
In world history, in everyday life, in interpersonal and intertype relations, the program function of SLE often manifests as a destructive, evil force that does not recognize any laws except the power of SLE’s own will and unbridled desires. Which grow and spill with crushing force on any “offender” who dares to resist SLE’s will, in a form of a kind of rampant “volcanic eruption” that floods and overwhelms everyone around itself by an endless avalanche of incredibly fierce anger and aggression, an avalanche that upon “cooling down” and solidifying in its destructive influence suppresses the personal will and extinguishes the personal initiative of any individual who has been overtaken by it. And for a long time it hold him in an enslaved and oppressed condition, terrorizing him with fear and boundless in its cynicism cruelty.
The mission of his dual, the IEI, lies in “taming” these volcanoes, in weakening their pressure on the environment, slowing them down, spreading their force and effect over time, in cooling, sobering, and calming their seething, bubbling energy. Directing it back to its roots, inhibits this storm of passions, enveloping it with his own energy. Creatively, poetically, romantically, imaginatively, and inventively creating an illusion and a sense of appeasement, the IEI captivates the SLE with countless possibilities of future manifestations of subordination to his overwhelming will. It is as if the IEI calms the SLE by saying: “Why try to conquer the world in one day? Leave at least something for tomorrow.”
In other words, the IEI transfers SLE’s crushing volitional sensing (-Se) and alternative intuition of possibilities (-Ne) - this morbidly hypochondriac negativistic program that is constantly afraid that someone might have beat him and tore out the success of his arms - in a positive course of his own suggestive volitional sensing (+Se), (in the unlimited possibilities of which he himself believes), and his positive observing intuition of potential (+Ne): “The world is extensive and there exist many opportunities to win it over; if not here, then we can manifest this elsewhere. Why extend efforts on fortifying in that which has already been conquered? Would it not be better to go after something else?”
For Zhukov his conquest never seems complete enough, his arguments don’t feel substantial enough, and his position - never strong enough. (This is the property of his “program”.) However, under the influence of Esenin on his suggestive function he is persuaded.
Exerting influence on Zhukov via his infinitely distant, perspective-based, spatial intuition of time (-Ni), Esenin disperses his power (through space and time), which under this influence loses its solidity and density and begins to dissipate alike a cloud, allowing everyone who has been buried under it to breathe more freely and continue existing in a more viable state.
If there was no IEI in the Socion, our present society wouldn’t even existed because there would be nobody to stop the growing expansion of Zhukov.
What about the powers of SEE? Can it serve as a counterweight to the destructive involutionary forces of the SLE? The problem is the SEE needs to gather his forces. The “program” function of SEE, +Se, like any Asking type program is prone to dispersal, splintering, differentiation which cannot, in its initial stages, oppose the united and “monolithic” power of the SLE. Zhukov’s “program” will strategically opposite its unification and won’t allow it to mobilize for a decisive blow. (Let’s recall how many years it took Russian to become free from the Mongol-Tatar yoke, in which conditions it had to exist, and how frequently any opposing coalitions gathered by Russian rulers have been subverted and destroyed when they tried to unite to repel the Horde - every one of their attempts was brutally suppressed by ever increasing intimidation.)
It’s not easy to defeat a strategic type by strategic means. However, his influence can be weakened by tactical operations, which would permit to breech at least some kind of “hole” in his defenses.
For Zhukov awareness of any sort of flaws in his defenses, of any kind of “holes” in his armor, is painful and unpleasant. Improving the strength of his “armor” is one of his primary concerns. Examine the flaws of the enemy (enemy, opponent, or a friend who may turn into an enemy) - this is half the battle: then it becomes clear where to direct the blows.
Even the seemingly random, “trial”, “reconnaissance” attacks Zhukov directs with precision, because the knowledge of the weak points is integrated in the involutionary archaic of his “program” function (-Se). Due to this, many of his “trial” attacks (statements, declarations) make a shocking impression on others and a suppressing effect on their identity, damaging their psyche and having a devastating effect on all the positive, bright, especially revered values and ideals, that become the main target of SLE’s cynical statements (as a consequence of his problematic ethics relations (+Fi) and inert-militant ethics of emotion (-Fe), that manifests in a vivid and memorable, yet incredibly ironic and shocking way, as a dangerous and mortifying weapon, which gets extended to his surroundings).
The IEI himself, knowing this quality of the SLE, won’t let him anywhere near his bright ideals, his positive goals and radiant, like a guiding star, crystal dream, knowing that he for sure will try to desecrate it, if only out of envy, by some flat and cynical remark, or some stupid and crude judgement (which the SLE would call the “brutal truth of life”), and thus destroy it by his ruthless criticism. After that, IEI’s dream will cease to be a guiding light for him - it will fade out, darken, slip away from the sky and fall like a comet into the maelstrom where it will perish and fade like a ruined lighthouse on a deserted island, like a broken lamp on a dark and deserted street.
The ability to dream for the IEI is also the ability to successfully exist and live during the periods of “timelessness”, when it become convenient and enjoyable to live via dreams and memories, to sigh and mourn for the past, to analyze the re-live the past mistakes, to constantly return to the memories of the past, to rebuild and re-construe, and contemplate on the topic of: “What if I had done this differently, what if I changed this or fixed that, now the result would have been completely different … ” At the same time one can recall all those who have interfered with a different course of action, and in a timely manner (or with a delay) present them a “bill” for this.
As for the SLE the maximization of power equates to the minimization of losses, similarly for the IEI the maximization of time is the minimization of “timelessness”. This includes the ability to fill in the time with one’s dreams, such that one can feel free and all-powerful “master of one’s own destiny” and freely dispose of it in reality and in one’s dreams. Dreaming is a privilege of a person who is free, who is the “hero” of his own dreams and his own time, the absolute and total master of his own time who is always able to dispose of it his own discretion, who is capable of easily simulating and modeling the events and the time schedules of the present, the past, and the future, and freely manipulating his movement within the flow of time to achieve some quick results (at his own expense or at the expense of others, this is irrelevant - the main thing is to have the ability and the opportunity to dream).
The IEI won’t ever forgive harsh and brutal treatment of his dream - for him this constitutes a “blow” to his program function of intuition of time (-Ni). Such a blow signals of the impermanence of his own position, of the hopelessness and lack of an ability to change anything, of the absence of prospects, of the closed and crossed-out future plans. Such “blows”, when they come to IEI’s awareness, are painful and unpleasant for him. The IEI views them as a kind of an offense, a “blow” of almost as an ethical nature to the values of this dyad. If these come from his partner he considers them to be a deviation and departure from the norms of the dyad, a rude and unceremonious treatment, for which he views himself fully in the right to retaliate.
This moment was finely depicted in the final episode of the famous and liked by many movie “The Marriage of the Balzaminov”, which was based on the trilogy of A. N. Ostrovsky, with Georgi Vitsin (EIE) and Nonna Mordukova in main roles. At the end of the movie, the dream of the Balzaminov (IEI), this indefatigable hunter after rich brides, has finally come true: he has married a woman from a rich family, whose estate is “beyond the borders” (additionally his dual partner, although somewhat old and overweight). His soul rejoices and sings, his legs themselves break into a dance. After dancing and celebrating in full, he is finally left alone with his newlywed wife, and from an excess of feelings he sings her the “wedding ritual” song: “Buttercups - flowers in my garden …” - when she kicks him painfully in the ribs with her elbow. He, gasping in pain, falls silent and doesn’t get to the final lines of this song, which were supposed to be a profession of his love for her: “Darling, darling, I cannot wait for night time…”. All his feelings that he was trying to convey with this song are instantly silenced. The most sublime and inspiring notes of his soul suddenly go quiet, and together with them, like a wounded bird shot down in flight, like an unfinished song, his dream from happy family life shatters and dies. Together with this dream he dies himself - with his eyes closed, leaning back against the pillows, he crosses his arms over his chest, pretending to be dead: the dream of his life has been destroyed - why should he continue living now? She wanted him to be silent. Now he is willing to go silent and hide forever. But then, thinking that this is perhaps too great of a sacrifice on his part, he opens one eye and squints now looking at his wife with the look of vengeance: the dream and the dreamer have died, but now the avenger has been born.
IEI. A dream come true.¶
The IEI cannot imagine a life outside of his creativity - even if it is ephemeral and not materially realized. His dream is also a product of his creation. Even if he creates only within his own fantasies, with luck even the most fantastic dream can become a reality (e.g. under the conditions that are favorable for the realization of IEI’s intuitive program).
One example of this is the completely fantastical story of unique in its brilliance creative career of the outstanding Russian (Soviet times) singer “Orpheus”, the absolute leader of all music charts and hit parades from the period 1965 to 1985 - Valerii Obodzinskii (IEI). He was a self-taught musician who hasn’t learnt how to read notes until the very end of his career, but who has been naturally gifted by phenomenal vocal abilities, perfect pitch and unique memory (he sang in venues of small resort towns ever since his teen years). He has performed on tour ships, sang lyrical hits, but always before a decent public and on a decent stage, because this was an integral part of his dream: to sail on the white ship and perform before a public in an elegant white suit. His dream became a reality at a phenomenally fast pace due to his exclusively intuitive talent. He had a magnificently modulated voice, amazing (enchanting) tone that had a stunning ef
He was unique and inimitable in every performance. As a person, he was modest, unpretentious, contented with meager earnings (which were common in those days). He couldn’t imagine greater happiness than to be out on the stage performing every day. He was already happy by the fact that his life’s dream has come true. In those times, there was no one else more beloved and popular than he was. In the mid 60’s his performances at the “Blue Fire” have been a true present for the Soviet women: those who have heard him performing felt as if their dreams have come true, a fantastical breakthrough into the bright future, into the world of perfect and harmonious human relations. He himself seemed to be dream incarnate, a fairy-tale prince with angelic appearance and a magical voice, a stranger from the distant worlds, who sang the immortal songs about the beautiful and the light of love. Even the authorities considered him to be a phenomenon alien to the Soviet stage - too dangerous for the imagination of the Soviet women.
He was married three times. Each time it was one of his female fans. His first wife was his dual partner, SLE. Their marriage broke up for obvious reasons: it was difficult to not be jealous of a man who was adored by many other women. The second marriage to a woman of IEE type broke up shortly after he started having problems with the authorities over ideological differences: under no circumstances the “first singer” of the county wanted to cheat on his muse. The “Orpheus” of the Soviet stage sang only about love and nothing else besides that. The Soviet Ministry of Culture evaluated this as outrageous: a Soviet performer should sing about the Communist Party, while Valerii Obodzinsky didn’t have a single song on this theme; neither was he planning on adding such songs to his repertoire. Thus he was displaced from the Soviet stage; his name was put on the “black list”; the concert halls of Moscow and Leningrad where closed for him. However, he continued to successfully give concerts on the “peripheries”.
In his work he was still demanding of himself, very disciplined and organized, because more than anything else he cherished his work and his dream - this was the essence and meaning of his life: he lived to sing.
And he sang brilliantly. His records were sold by the millions of copies bringing an enormous income for the country. At the time, when the state earned a lot of money on his records, he earned only 150 rubles on his most popular “Eastern Song”. Though this particular recording was impossible to purchase even in Leningrad. The authorities considered this “unhealthy” hype to be very dangerous. The Ministry of Culture set up a series of provocations for him as an emergency measure. During his touring trips, some people would come by his room under the guise of fans and force him to drink with them. This went completely against his constitution. He was a man of poor health, who got drunk and lost his memory and coordination after the first glass of wine.
Thus concert after concert had to be canceled. Scandals began, which were mentioned in the press. People started to talk about him in negative light, while he was sent to a rehab. His songs were no longer shown on the TV or transmitted over the radio. He was completely “squeezed out” from the Soviet stage.
He decided not to fight for the stage, but to accept his current conditions and take up a job of a guard. Here, he was found by one of his previous fans. She supported him in this difficult for him time, enveloped him with her care and warmth. She also happened to be of his dual type and soon became his partner in life. She also encouraged him to participate in one small TV program after several years of absence. Everyone understood that as a singer he hasn’t lost his voice - he was as always magnificent.
Although his health was irreparably undermined and his age was not very suitable for numerous concerts, his SLE wife insisted on his return to the stage, believing that they still has time to show themselves and quickly make up for lost time, and that he will assume his rightful place on the musical “Olympus”.
Obeying her wishes, in 1993, he returned to the stage, even though his health (bouts of hypertension) were contrary to continuing with this line of work. From the words of his wife, there were days when he felt so poorly that they had to summon the ambulance 3-4 times a day. Still, she insisted that he continue to give concerts and actively rehearse every day and for many hours. Although to perform and sing with his hypertension was very risky. The tense graphic of rehearsals, tours, and performances were difficult to endure for an aging singer. His wife took on the role of his manager, but she has also forced him to rehearse for many hours each day, to work without any need for it, ignoring the state of his health. She knew very little about the intuitive origins of his talent. Taking on the management of his artistic career, she put him out as a commodity “for sale”, and, not fully believing in his medication condition, she mercilessly and without any necessity brutally exploited him.
She was angry at him for what he spent too little time at rehearsals. He simply goes on stage and sings. And sings magnificently. But, as it is typical of SLE, a sober minded sensing realist, she did not believe in miracles. She thought that he wasn’t getting enough training. She believed that he, like any musician, should work on his program for long hours. At the same time, she worked as his administrator and controlled all his decisions and movements, carefully watching that he wouldn’t lose any time. For a long time she couldn’t believe that this “miraculous” man fell into her hands. The sole thought about this inflated her ambition and greed: now she is his “owner” and he is a slave dependent on her will. And she forced him to go out and work, feeling excited by the mere thought that she, as his owner, is throwing him out to work like an ox in the field.
Here what has appeared is the characteristic of “aggressor” sensing declarative types trait - their typical inhumane cruelty and predator-like grip, with which if they happen to capture a “real treasure” they soon start losing control over themselves. They will try to “squeeze” everything possible from the person and treat him or her as a hen that lays golden eggs, which they at the same time want to put under the knife and cook, make a broth and stir-fry out of it, and further make it hatch eggs, put forward some product for which they could gain money. However, their inability to do all of this at once puts them into despair and evokes feelings of powerlessness, while the sense that they are incapable of changing anything (normative intuition of possibilities, -Ne) encourages them to go for risky experiments, the downfall of which drives them into anger that they dispel on their “subordinate”: it is he who is at fault for everything, that the state of affairs is so poor, being so lazy he doesn’t want to work more and help the family that strives hard for him, and so on.
Thus, she didn’t want to know and didn’t want to admit (and believe) that her husband could perform without rehearsals. She calmed down enough only when he started to rehearse. This wasn’t just because the sound of his voice was fascinating for her, but also because it gave her a sense of “order in her household” when she saw with her own two eyes that her husband is working, that he is “plowing” the field like any other “work horse”. For SLE it is difficult to imagine another meaning for the word “work”. In SLE’s perception if a person works, then this means he devoted to his work like a convict, and if there is no visible effort made then this means he isn’t working at all.
Thus he has no other way than to argue with his wife to try to resist her abuse and exploitation. He resisted for as long as he had the strength, argued with her, protested, went on “boycotts” and “strikes”. More precisely, what she considered to be boycotts was him laying down on the floor and saying: “I feel unwell. I’m dying!” She did not believe him and thought he was pretending to take time off. Until one day he laid down and didn’t get up. He died of a heart attack. She couldn’t believe it and thought he was making a scene. She couldn’t understand what was happening to him: “What do you mean he died? How could he die when we have a scheduled appearance in Petrozavodsk?” And only then realized that what has happened was irreparable.
It would seem like such a simple case: the idol of your teens becomes your spouse. Then take care of him, manage your home, create a cozy family, make him happy. Such luck one cannot imagine! But why did then the wife in this story turn into a brutal warden and a greedy exploiter? Was this an accident or was this a predictable course of events? Unfortunately this was predictable by many reasons. In particular, the traits of declaring, strategic, farsighted (hoarding), extraverted, aggressive, decisive sensing, and authoritarian aristocracy. Harsh and pragmatic relation to a person as to a thing which can be managed and disposed for an indefinite period of time (with a skillful and thrifty approach), derive benefit from it, all of which is a characteristic approach for an SLE. Treating a person as a thing that could be bartered and traded profitably, manipulated, subjected to heavy physical and technical trials (technological experiments) is a trait of a SLE as a declaring type and included into his “program” function of alternative volitional sensing (-Se) that is capable of being despotic and harsh and exceptionally inventive in the methods of volitional pressuring. Thus, in this involutionary, aristocratic dyad relations strictly abide the rule of “sink or swim” (either you’re the master or the slave) - there is no third alternative: if you don’t want to subjugate others, you’ll be subjugated yourself.
As for romance, it is wholly in the hands of Esenin (-Ni, +Fe) and his creative emotions ethics (ethics of impressions, ethics of illusions and fantasies). Therefore, in order to be dominant in this system, the IEI must be a rank above his dual, become a “master of his soul” and remain as such for as long as possible (which is also something that his creative ethics of emotions demands, ethics with a “+” sign signifying emotional advantage). Relations in this involutionary dyad of authoritarian decisive aristocrats is built on the principle: “If you want to live, learn to fight for yourself.” In ideal match, both duals will fight for life, for better living conditions, for the right to power. They are both obliged to this by their quadral complex, which constitutes the fear of displacement to the lower layers of the hierarchy. Neither one of them wants to be a slave or underling. Under conditions of tyrannical domination of the SLE, any kind of servitude or “enslavement” is dangerous and demeaning to the life of his partner. The IEI won’t be able to live in such conditions. Therefore, if he stops fighting for himself, he will perish.
And here lies another problem for the IEI: for a creative individual of clean, sincere and sublime romantic nature it is impossible to combine his creative and high spiritual work with low and debase power struggles. This is exactly the case when one cannot serve two gods. A choice will have to be made. A decision made ??in favor of service to art, as a rule, becomes self-sacrificial for the servant of the Muses: he becomes the victim of cruel exploitation of his dual. And since his muse won’t allow him to exploit it, don’t allow him to waste his creative talent, won’t allow him to work by the schedule in forced labor (true creative work requires freedom), he will feel himself as a “traitor” in relation to it. He will feel guilty be before himself and before his partner: that he was not principled enough, that he did not manage to save his talent, his life, work, destiny, his family, and disappointed everyone not achieving what could be achieved … etc.
On the other hand, the self-righteous declaratim Zhukov won’t see nothing wrong with prudently managing the fruits of creative work of his dual. It comes all too natural for him: to gather the harvest, picking up every last grain and squeezing it twice or thrice to get the very last drop from distillation, grinding even the shells and the bones and putting them to use. In the waste-free economy of SLE nothing will be lost gratis. Creative work of his partner, in his opinion, should bear fruit, which must be used with maximum efficiency and profit …
One cannot relate to his partner (especially a person with creative talent) as to work cattle, or a milk cow, or a chicken that lays golden eggs! This is harmful for his well-being and humiliating for his dignity and talent. This is simply cruel. In the end this turns into disgracing control and harsh exploitation of the creative forces and possibilities of the IEI. Such is the pragmatic approach of his logical sensing dual: he will try to utilize any object to its maximum. He could squeeze all liquid from a stone, make another 2-3 cups of juice from an already used lemon, aiming to achieve the most results only here and now, as if the next day doesn’t exist and everything is determined by the present and the current moment of his existence.
If the dual happens to be the person under SLE’s command, and the one who brings him the most actual benefits, produces some real, tangible value, then he must be used to the very last drop. And no reference to medical conditions and contradiction with creative realization will stop Zhukov. No pleas to leave at least something for tomorrow will make him reconsider, because Zhukov believes only in the present day, in that which is happening here and now.
The SLE has only this single moment between the past and the future, which he considers to be the “real” life (life in the present, and not the past and the future). Under auspicious circumstances, he tries to “catch” this “lucky moment” and reap all of its benefits, in order to not regret later the lost advantages or that he allowed anyone else to intercept his success, that he capitalized on too few opportunities at the time, that he took too little for himself and left too much for others … etc. And the first person from whom he will “take seven skins” will be someone closest to him, including his dual.
The IEI sometimes tries to “mesmerize” and “fascinate” affect Zhukov, to distract him from his aggressive, tenacious plans, to disperse his strong-willed intents over time, to weaken his grip and his blows, or move them over upon someone’s head (preferably, metaphorical or imaginary head rather than a real head). The IEI tries to pacify the situation here and now (pour oil onto the water) in order to slip out of the sphere of influence of his dual when later the “captivating spells” dissipate, and his dual will charge forward to make up for what has been lost, with double the drive, power and energy, with an even more tenacious and greedy grip, considering himself to have been wronged that he was prevented to seize and capture that, to which he seems to have every right to. SLE makes peace and resigns himself only when some more powerful force (higher power, the fate or death) takes from him his next victim. Then he stops to think about this higher power, that one day it can take his life away from him just as easily, in one moment, right “here and now” … The SLE is afraid of this unknown, and the uncertainty in the present and future impact on his life and destiny. To appease the higher powers he is willing to make the most expensive offerings.
The IEI could have served as a “consolation” and the “guide” who intuitively orients in this world riddled with implicit patterns and regularities, some potentially fatal, but most often the SLE lets him down, giving in to the onslaught of higher powers and higher fears - the danger of losing everything at once, here and now, and his desires to have as much as possible to not experience scarcity in anything, or at least ease the impact of losses since they are not preventable. The SLE lets his dual down by the following:
Intuitively limited vision of the SLE;
lack of trust and respect for creativity of the IEI;
his cruel and oppressive treatment of his partner (and his “muse”), a cruel and oppressive exploitation of his talent;
the “overseer” position, which the SLE takes in respect to his dual; function of the dominant autocrat, the sole “head” of the system which SLE take upon himself;
pragmatic and economic approach of the SLE, his avarice, greed, predatory, exploitative grip, cruel “thriftiness” exercised at the expense of his partner’s needs - all of this risks destroying their relationship;
SLE’s confidence in the fact that his partner has to exert himself like a “work horse” even if he is engaged in creative work, to invest more effort to work with greater elaboration and dedication even without any purpose and need for this, thereby wasting IEI’s strengths and creative resources for the sole reason of appeasement of his despotic dual.
These are several reasons that serve as the source of problems, major arguments and complications in this dyad.
It turns out that you can admire your dual partner, worship him as an idol, dualized with him, while at the same time still not love him? And this is, unfortunately, the bitter truth that must be told to a declaring type when his “user” attitude towards his partner becomes inhumane and cruel, his demands - unreasonable and excessively high, his criticisms - unfair, unjustifiable, and demeaning. With weak, problematic intuition of possibilities the SLE believes that without kicks and chin-blows the relationship won’t be strong enough, especially with a partner who has to be constantly returned back to earth from the clouds (although due to SLE’s constant prodding and pushes these clouds soon dissipate).
Neither the holidays are good, nor the workdays.¶
The IEI likes the environment of feasts and celebrations. As an aristocratic, asking, intuitive type, with quite demanding normative sensing of experiences (-Si) he enjoys such occasions due to their refinement in food and aesthetic presentation. Thrifty and pragmatic SLE, who is used to saving on the needs of their partner, as well as on the needs his family hierarchy (system, group) often disappoints his dual in terms of such holidays. He serves coarse, second-rate food (“with vodka and this will do”) with service and presentation to match the food’s quality: on a crummy tablecloth covered with grease spots instead of white, starched tablecloth (“it will get dirties anyhow”), in cracked glasses and plates instead of a new service set (“if these old glasses break, it won’t be as upsetting”). The IEI feels disgusted from his or her very soul from such a “holiday celebration”: from drunken, brutal, vulgar fun, from all the rude, flat and coarse jokes and anecdotes, from the dishes that are bet fitted to feed the pigs, from the “Olivier” salads made 3/4th of potatoes, from all the gel dishes made from who knows whose hooves, and filled to the bring with cartilages, fat, and various giblets. “What’s there difference”, explains his dual, “Once everyone is drunk they won’t feel any difference.” The IEI is very picky about the food and makes high demands out of it (normative sensing of experiences): he often remembers where, how, and with what he has been fed. A partner who provides him with whatever falls under his hand, who is a poor cook and doesn’t know how to serve it well, won’t be attractive to him.
Example: A young man, an officer of type IEI, met at a dance in a small town a charming girl of type SLE, who at first glance seemed to him a quite interesting, well-mannered, intelligent person. One day she invited him over for a romantic dinner, which was exquisitely served. They talked of literature and music (it turned out that she was a music teacher at a local school). The first impression was very pleasant (first stage of dualization over sensing aspects +/- Si). The next morning he, as an honest man, was expected to propose to her. As an agreeable and peace-loving man, he at first decided to yield (compliant dyad) and then late think and act on his own discretion. Further impressions were not in favor of the bride: she manifested her cruel, domineering, and despotic nature. The groom was received in the house as one of the members of the household now and treated with whatever God sent them. In expressions and behavior there was also no propriety or hesitation. By the day that the wedding was scheduled, he already had a very good idea about what this family is like and decided to not linger any further in this house. On the wedding day early in the morning he allegedly went to a barber’s shop, while in reality he quickly ran to the train station and bought a ticket to the first arriving train. Unfortunately for him, the cashier at the ticket booth was a friend of the bridesmaid. She called the bride and told her the number of train and the number of his seat. The bride and her relatives immediately rushed to the station, stopped the train from leaving, and dragged him to the registrar where he was made to marry his dual partner. He did not understand his happiness at first, but then he got to appreciate it to the fullest.
Disagreements started first from her rudeness, vulgarity and intellectual limitations of his wife (despite her diploma from the Institute of Culture and the Higher Music and Teaching Association). He was irritated by her constant scowling and grumbling, her thriftiness and economy, which meant that her husband and their daughter had to wear ragged second-hand clothes. The IEI by his normative sensing of experiences considers it necessary to dress well in the household, especially if he has to share his living space with other people who can drop by for a visit any time. He considers it unacceptable what he has to blush before this friends and colleagues for their appearance and surly, inhospitable reception of his wife. His professional career and opinion of his colleagues matter to him. He would like them to be received and served well. While for his wife the “seasoning” to every treat and dish was scowling: “Bah! Serve them something for tea! This is not the occasion for sweets. If they raised your salary, that would be another matter.” These constant referrals to his salary served as the main topic and justification for his wife’s constant reproaches and negative remarks. Even though many would envy her: her husband was a handsome young man, sensitive, loving and attentive, from an educated family, without any bad habits, well-wishing and hospitable head of the household, loving and responsible father. But he felt disparaged and offended the eternal dissatisfaction, her greed and avarice, her unjust, uncaring, and unkind attitude towards him. He felt embarrassed before his colleagues and friends for the “meal” that she gathered for him for work: two small sandwiches with a small packet of noodle broth “Express” for the entire work day. At the end of the work day, he would often get a headache or feel lightheaded from bouts of hunger, and lose his coordination. One day, coming back home from work, he lost his balance and tripped over a bump in the carpet. Once he case to his senses, he decided to take a closer look at this bump. What he found was a packet of money: three thousand dollars, which were saved by his wife during four years of their marriage (none of which she has earned herself). In the evening, he had a serious talk with her. The next day he headed out with their daughter to the local stores and bought everything that they were deprived of previously. They bought the much needed kitchen appliances, new tablecloths, new bedding, new shoes and clothes for themselves. His wife angrily objected to purchases of new clothes for their daughter: “Why does she need new dresses when she will grow out of them?” While her husband answered her: “Why do other children have new clothing while my daughter has to walk around in rags? I bring the salary home and I want my daughter to live no worse than other children of her age.” (Activation of logic of relations (-Ti) and observing intuition of possibilities (+Ne): if there is an opportunity to be no worse than others, then this opportunity needs to be taken.) His wife had other reasons to save up this money - she was saving it in case they divorce so that she could buy herself and apartment. In case of such event he will retain the apartment that was rented to him through his service in the military - and what will she have? She’d have to take her things and move who knows where. At the end this is exactly how it transpired when they eventually divorced, but over another conflict: other the ideological differences of his wife of type SLE and his mother of type EII (which was described in the SLE-EII conflict relations article).