Activity observations¶
General comments¶
V-ctor (ILI): These are interesting, pleasant relations, from which a feeling of strong fatigue comes at a certain moment. Your activity partner doesn’t notice this and continues to “activate”, such that further interaction becomes infuriating and annoying.
yanilla (SLI): Judging from feedback, relations of activation differ, or rather I should say that there are 2 kinds - favorable and irritating. At times they draw closer to duality (as Filatova has described), with the difference that their comfort is felt immediately, and at other times they are characterized by accumulation of irritation and misunderstandings.
AlexZ (IEE): As an IEE would say, relationship with dual does NOTSTRESS. Relationship with activator - does NOT RELAX.
Relaxing relations also happen with Mirage andExtinguishment/Contraries. Moreover, with Mirages types therelationship manifests itself primarily as relaxation and bliss, -i.e. when there is no particular wish to flutter about and changeanything. With Extinguishment/Contrary types - it’s rather like aswamp that pulls you in, and then there is no particular mood, desireor wish to climb out of it.
ILE-ESE¶
Adam (ILE): I have one friend of TIM ESE. Once when she was telling me about her boring, tedious work I decided to joke with her. I sat next to her and started earnestly describing to her the following: “Imagine, that instead of this accounting job, you have something else, like a business of your own: organizing corporate celebrations, parties, and gatherings, for example, and so on. Imagine, how you’re rushing to prepare the next event, composing a program, choosing a restaurant and menu. Later a show, concert, a celebration, with a lot of emotion! Imagine, how after the holiday, tired but satisfied guests come to you to express their gratitude.” I see how she straightened her shoulders and a dreamy haze appeared in her eyes. In her ears there was probably a sound of the trumpets already, and she said: “Adam, we will try this with you some time. Definitely.” Here I understood that I better stop, otherwise next I will have to draft a business plan for her…
Laviniya (ESE): I’m very much activated by ILEs intellectually. Where I will tell directly a person of another type “don’t be a smartass, explain yourself simply” with my activator I overcome the most abstruse theories. The first year of college I got into a relationship with an ILE who was the beauty and pride of our physical department, with red diploma, white bone and blue blood)) - so I’ve gotten only A’s for all courses that I took!!! If I got a B, I would ask to re-do the assignment! And how else? I had to correspond to him. We separated due to some of his negative quirks - he was terribly jealous of me. I don’t know if ILEs are so jealous, but in respect to me it’s like put the lights out - I activate them like this. In general, everything in them is wonderful, but their unkempt untidy appearance slightly repels me … I can’t be like SEI and spend my entire life cleaning them up and organizing them … I have many other plans. Their irrationality hinders me in my personal life, as well as it is maddening in work. They don’t do anything in time. It’s impossible to squeeze out exact dates from them. They decide everything at the last moment. And at the same time they sincerely apologize and swear “to redeem this with blood”! I usually say “better with coffee”.
LII-SEI¶
Mavka (LII): My activator has inspired me to such heroic feats that I have never expected from myself. For example, to do a complete reconstruction of the house, about which I was scared to even think about (!). Even now it’s frightening to recall, but it went well, everything worked out.
Igna (LII): Yes, there is no way to hit the painful function, but it seems that the creative function has to work at its utmost limit. And we speak different languages. SEI, being an ethical type, is a good manipulator. But I see what he wants to achieve with his tricks. So why not simply say how it is? It seems to me that some kind of lie is happening … And on the point about lack of support - I absolutely agree. And irrationality / rationality, too … In general, in a year I became so tired that I decided to stop the relationship. And how much you need to annoy an LII for him or her undertake such a historic decision is a well fact known.
Kubik-Rubik (LII): I’m in this kind of relationship right now. I don’t know if this is good or bad?! Sometimes it happens that I’m in heaven from happiness, and sometimes I start to doubt whether the SEI truly needs me or not. We rarely see each other - once or twice a week. Of course I want to meet more often, but I understand that it won’t lead to anything good. Recently we broke up. We did not communicate for half a month, but then the birthday came up (we have it on the same day!). I congratulated her in original way - and everything started up again! Now again everything is fine. But for how long? I don’t know what should I do - can anyone advise?
Vatrushka (SEI): So it was with my LII. Parting for a month ortwo, infrequent meetings, original congratulations, after whicheverything started up again. All of this that happened between us was,however, non-SYNCHRONOUS. And this untimeliness, different sense ofrhythm, not enough deep penetration into each other’s feelings, plusthe inability to convey our emotions, was very straining. The waythings happen with a dual is that the lightest effect usually leads tothe desired result - one has frowned, and the other has alreadyunderstood. This does not happen in activation. It is very difficultto get a thought or a feeling across. It is almost impossible toexplain what you are experiencing - to each of you it seems assomething too minor and not worth attention.
Infrequent meetings for an SEI - are very bad. SEI is tuned to thefact that her dual is always nearby. ILE is an extrovert, as such heneeds company of others, thus the ILE is ready to be constantlyaround. LII often made me worried in this sense, since he showed upVERY rarely. He canceled meetings. He did not call when he was gone.He disappeared - and that was all.
As a result, I adored him for four years, while my LII kept away withcoolness. Then I snapped out of it, enough was enough, and then hetried to latch onto me. Another four years passed. When he said thatwe should get married, I shamefully fled.
EIE-SLE¶
Kansas (EIE): We’ve been living together for a year now with my SLE boyfriend, and everything is fine. He is a loving man who is always ready to rush to protect his loved ones in any moment. All conflicts (which we have, of course, this is activity relations after all) stop very quickly, and he tells me that I am an “amazing person”, because I am “a person” - that’s how he explains it, meaning that I do more or less reasonable, logical things, in his opinion, and that I am capable of surviving in extreme situations, but at the same time I remain feminine (I’m not praising myself, these are his own words).
Vitaliy_17 (EIE): I’ve met very few SLEs, but the ones I’veclosely communicated with - excellent relations (if in moderation).
Sitting on the couch, feeling bored:
Eh, such weather outside. We must somehow let off the steam, go swimin the lake or something. (me)
So, let’s go. (SLE)
And here we are are on the shore of the lake watching people in thelake play water volleyball.
IEI-LSI¶
Fly_lady (IEI): I have been married for 12 years to my “activator”. After that came long-awaited liberation and a vow from me to stay away for the rest of my life. These relations are good, but with rationality / irrationalty there are indeed some problems. By my observations this is the part of these relations that is most frustrating and upsetting to both. In everything else, up to a certain moment, this relationship was quite comfortable, and perhaps he has indeed activated me. With his help I have mastered a completely new occupation for myself which I’m still liking very much. The “certain moment” of our break-up, in my opinion, was not related to our types. Overall, no matter our outcome, I consider activation relations to be quite favorable.
SEE-LIE¶
Cezaria (SEE): My activator is LIE. I have many of them in life.
Friendship. Strange emotions - they are sort of like me, but like adistorted mirror where all the proportions are broken. My girlfriendof type LIE has amazing ability to draw me into work, especially one Idon’t like. A male LIE friend, while seemingly not requestinganything, has convinced me to live for two weeks with his wife and sonat their summer house. I thought I’d hang myself! Although I was quitesure that I offered the assistance myself for the time their regularbabysitter was on vacation. And I influence my activators positively,I think. When I worked together with a friend of type LIE, they alwayssent me to him “for reconnaissance” - to put the management into agood mood. And the husband of my LIE friend calls me with frustratedcries: “Explain this to her, because I can’t explain anything!”
Work. A boss-activator is a holiday. Then work is really enjoyable. Agoal appears and you practically begin to live with work. Very strong,powerful intellectual stimulation is going on, which is especiallyimportant when you are engaged in a completely new business and thereare no already established methods. And the successes appearimmediately, as if by magic. A subordinate-activator is also good.LIEs on their own are workaholics, and if they also feel comfortableand interested in work - then they are like perpetual motion machines.Important thing is that there is always someone to send on a businesstrip. LIEs love this.
Love. Hmm … It’s difficult. And not because of the activatorrelationship at all. Everything is just fine with this. Problems aresolved in a working order. Feelings are strong and bright. LIEs arecaring and not bores. But, let’s say, you have been together for ayear, and in a moment of tenderness the LIE says: “Most of all I loveyou for the fact that you never stopped me from working.” This musthave been a compliment.
ESI-ILI¶
Margie (ESI): We lived together for about three years. I do notknow who called it “activation”. We mutually hampered each other -when we broke up the productivity of our activities sharply increasedfor both of us. If an idea gets criticized first by ILI then by ESI,there is usually nothing remaining of the idea … because theycriticize from different positions. Yes, there are many commoninterests, but the overall activity also “stalls”. Plus, the mismatchof rationality / irrationality.
Maybe because I’m very ethical introverted ESI, I can produce theneeded amounts of Se and apply them to an ILI only if I’m fuming atthe critical point, then Se arrives along with a good portion ofFi/Fe. The ILI tried to frantically “not do what I don’t like” andwith horror he realized that I seem to “not like” anything … becausewhat was unacceptable is precisely the fact that he wasn’t doinganything. But I have heard about quite happy couples. Casual friendlyrelations with ILIs are the very thing.
I honestly admit - after I broke up with him I was in a terrible rut(one property of activation relations: once you spend several daysaway from each other all the differences and disagreements areforgotten), but then a tremendous sense of freedom and opportunityarrived. As it turned out, these relations were terribly constraining- continuous running around in circle of aggressor-victim-savior witha constant switching of roles …
Minx (ESI): This is exactly it - friendship relations are not a problem at all. The problem is relations that are close. In five years, as it would seem to me, you can get to know a person. But no. Not here. Lots of different things happened, but to move my ILI to a serious step was unbearably difficult. It felt like he was walking with his back turned to life, and still he didn’t believe if you warned him ahead of the time of the holes in the pavement. It is easy to convince him in small things, you can even manage to convince him in something more complicated (this requires more time), but somewhere you see that there is a limit. One day he cut it off. No explanations, no clarity, no yes, no no .. And some very friendly relations remained (we work together). It just hurts me to go to work now. I don’t want to be friends with him.
Grethen (SEI): We have two people living in same room of types ILI and ESI. The ESI very unobtrusively and efficiently puts the ILI into motion. The ESI is the perpetual “motion engine” in the room and with her constant activity and conversation she makes the ILI want to do something, to actively get involved. It’s very nice to watch this.
IEE-LSE¶
DimaGek (IEE): I have a best friend activator. We fight periodically, but nevertheless we continue to communicate, as if nothing has happened! The relationship is normal, only LSEs periodically try to order you around and tell you what to do.
MarinaV (IEE): It’s cool to work with activators! Looking at LSE, I would like to get an organizer, write out all the traffic, organize myself, go to the fitness center regularly, eat oatmeal in the morning, quit smoking, etc. It is a pity that this is not for long! And it does not always work out.
Terezita (IEE): My brother is of type LSE. He said that I see more clearly how people relate to him than he does himself. Getting acquainted with someone, he sets up a “showing”: he brings the new acquaintance over, and asks me for an opinion about this person, and requests that I get his new acquaintance to talk about themselves. There was a case when I warned him from the very start about one not very good man, but my brother found him interesting … when an unpleasant situation happened he then admitted that I was right. He, in turn, helps me in domestic sense - he manages to sort me out and create a little bit more “order” in my life.
Leza_Z (IEE): On the topic of marriage with an activator, we have been married for 10 years. At first there was great amount of love for one another. If we ever quarreled, in the mornings we would gladly talk as if nothing has happened (at first this was a surprise for me). I stimulated him to get higher education (he quit school prior) - one can say that his degree is mine))) I have forgiven him a sea of ??all sorts of small stupid things. But when in a difficult moment he could not support me (more precisely, he didn’t do what I expected), a grievance has lodged itself in my heart. And like a snowball it grew bigger and bigger. In the end, each of us tried to prove their own side of story, but it didn’t work. Right now things are difficult between us, which is sad. Even before getting acquainted with socionics, I clearly began to understand that with him I feel a lack of compassion and … sensing.
EII-SLI¶
Anfisa (EII): My activator is type SLI. If the activator is a man - then I fall in love instantly! I want to “sing, whistle, solve crosswords” as the quote goes. If the activator is a woman - then I really like her. I immediately want to be friends with her, talk to her, emotionally participate in all her personal experiences and so on … There is an unusual wave of tenderness … Suddenly there appears furious activity, a desire to do something, to resolve something, etc. But after a while, after this splash there comes an extreme, terrible sense of fatigue, due to which you want to go away, go hide somewhere in the corner, sit it out, wait, restore strengths, and wait until the irritation caused by SLI’s slowness and stubbornness subsides (which, incidentally, I have never allowed myself to voice out loud).
29_02 (EII): Our activator is awesome! The logic, and in general their intellectual improvisations, is very impressive. Sensing makes you feel closer to reality. Sometimes it’s so great to feel how intuitive concepts become realized and implemented into real life. As introverts, we don’t bug each other too much. There is only one ‘but’: rational and irrational differences. As has already been commented above, this gets very tiring! But if you strive to see some positives in this, then you will develop certain flexibility and spontaneity about it. It’s not a coincidence that relations of activity are usually ranked near the top of intertype relationship rankings.
dostochka (EII): My relations with my activator are strained by our mutual introversion. Perhaps EII and SLI are some of the most introverted types. It’s awkward to be alone with an unfamiliar SLI. Neither him nor I can show any initiative to begin a conversation. One time we have spent an entire hour just sitting in silence, until the SLI asked me: “You can be silent for long?” I can almost immediately recognize SLIs by this certain tension that arises in our communication. With extraverts this never happens. However, if the SLI begins to talk on his own, I can listen to him for a long, long while. Their sensory observations impress me a lot. They leave inside me a feeling as if I have visited a museum. I can say the same thing for my activator - he listens to me with great interest, for example, when I discuss my impressions from the latest book that I have read, disclosing the inner world of its main heroes and questioning its plot and the main subjects.
QueenJester (EII): I have been married to my activator. Now I understand the reasons for our fights and break-ups, but back then I was not familiar with Socionics. In principle, (in the absence of a dual), these are very good and pleasant relations! Indeed, you feel an emotional upsurge. You can’t fight for a long time, as there is no way to reach each other’s painful functions. Everything that interests your activity partner also seems interesting to you (this was the case for me), and so you start to take an interest in it. In general, in the absence of life problems, this is just a wonderful relationship! But when I had difficulties, I felt that my activator was not my support .. he could only distract me for a while, but not help to solve the problem … But, if you have a dual nearby, they can help you solve your problems. Or maybe you won’t have any problems … then this is a very interesting relationship. In addition the complexity is due to rationality-irrationality … different life rhythms - and this can get tiring.
Julia (SLI): Relations of activity are somewhat similar to dualityin that being close to your activator you don’t seem to notice his orher presence; everything seems harmonious and calm. The difference isthat when you part with a dual, you feel how they are missing, butwhen you leave an activator there is no such acute feeling of absence.With your activator, similarly to the dual, you feel like you are withyour “kindred soul”, “your” person one can say, which is quitereliable; there is a feeling that you are protected.
In each pair of activators, relations develop in different ways.Perhaps with time, some socionists can write in due course detaileddescriptions not only for dual dyads, but also for pairs ofactivators. As it has already been mentioned above, the biggestdisagreements happen over the aspect of rationality-irrationality.This indeed happens, especially when it comes to family relations ofactivators trying to resolve questions of financial planning andscheduling some events and activities over time. In addition, havingexperienced the activation for many years, I have noticed asignificant obstacle for good relations of activators is a coincidenceon trait of introversion. In the case of two introverts, the pairlacks activity. Yes, many say that activators activate each other forsome actions, but I observed the absence of a source of energy in therelationship, as it were, as if the mutual extinguishment of activity.For example, the SLI feels a big surge of energy when the EII leavesfor a few days to visit relatives - immediately there is a desire todo everything that is unfinished. Of course, there are differences inEIIs and SLIs, but many EIIs whom I personally know love quiet privacyat their home, while SLI needs movement with new impressions.
SLIs need a person who by their advice and energy would inspire him orher to activity. From EII one can expect only quiet sympathy andempathy (as LSEs like it), which is simply unnecessary to an SLI. Anexample from real life. The SLI is suddenly dismissed from work, andthis happens quite unexpectedly. A sad SLI comes home, tells hissituation to the EII. At that moment, SLI really needs moral supportof the kind “You know, you’re a good specialist in your field, you canfind a new job that’s even more interesting for you.” And what doesthe EII say? He/she says: “Well, don’t worry. Relax for a while athome, have some rest.”
Relations between two introverts lead to misunderstandings andunderstatements in the relationship. The SLI cannot understand manythings in the EII, while the EII often simply remains silent, and viceversa it is the same. In cases of conflicts and quarrels, both simplyclose into themselves, experiencing and re-living their feelings onthe inside, and not letting them out. Instead of clarifying theincomprehensible questions and issues in their relationship, there isa “silent war”. If you look at this pair from the side, it seems thatboth are so calm and happy with life, but in fact both are upset andstrained. This “containment” may even lead to sickness.
One my acquaintance of type EII was married to a SLI man for about 3-4years and then separated from him (before getting married she was wellacquainted with socionics). She said: “He is indifferent to me,silent, goes into himself,” etc. Well, it’s clear that the SLI is notthe LSE, and that with SLI she could not get enough extravertedattention and care for herself.
Also, in my opinion activation relationship SLI-EII distorts the TIMs.In the case of two introverts, one of them becomes more extroverted,and this is very exhausting for that person.