Activity Relationship ENFp and ESTj by Stratiyevskaya¶
In this pair, the interaction is between two tactical, negativist, extraverted types. They are both demonstratively helpful and diplomatic. Both cherish their relationships, but in addition each tries to “pull” the situation to his side using a whole arsenal of tactics.
LSE becomes activated on the aspect of “intuition opportunities” – in the IEE he sees someone who is unique, exceptional, and talented, a multifaceted personality, a person who is often surrounded by original and interesting people each of whom is great in his own way.
IEE is activated by an aspect of “logic of actions”. LSE to him seems as someone who can provide actual help in resolution of practical problems: strong, courageous, noble, possessing extraordinary intelligence and fine taste, and knowledgeable of how to present himself effectively.
Are activators disappointed in each other? No - such favorable impressions persist for a long time. At this stage they only feel a bit of annoyance at the fact that one’s partner is using all these wonderful qualities not as they should be used.
Some time later LSE begins to feel that the IEE is as if playing around with him, being clever and coy, and starting up some intrigues - and for what reason? Meanwhile IEE begins feeling perplexed and disturbed by the harsh directness of his activity partner, LSE’s habit to not try to slip out of the situation (thereby smoothing things out), but, to the contrary, to go for a straightforward and candid explanation, to get into very essence of relations trying to completely figure everything out. By this, observant, pedantic, very straightforward and somewhat harsh in communication LSE begins to scare the IEE, who starts to experience the ever-increasing discomfort in presence of his activator. Huxley stars feeling more and more tired of the stress and of the tightening control of the LSE and burdened by the presence. At this point, IEE will want to “slip” out of this situation and “diffuse” the distance. Now he wishes that there would be someone else in place of his spouse (and subconsciously, he is already thinking of other options).
What happens next can be envisioned on an example of a very sweet and intelligent married couple who have been in relations of activation for about eleven years. He (LSE) is a constructor-technologist and author of many patents and inventions. She (IEE) is a scholar, a linguist fluent in several languages, a person of many talents, who every six months takes up a new hobby.
Their acquaintance was very romantic. They happened to be at the same social gathering: she was the “queen of the ball” and performed couple of songs to her own accompaniment. He immediately realized that he was “lost”, caught her in his arms and whisked her away.
Outwardly, they made an impression of a very well-to-do couple, in which each found his own role and developed his own model of behavior: she played the role of a light-minded child, who could be as naughty as she wanted, but at the same time try not to get caught, while he related to her as a wisdom-filled father figure, even though their age difference was not that great (only ten years).
How did they get along? This bright, restless and hyper-sociable Huxley and socially withdrawn, stern “homebody” Shtirlits.
Almost every evening, coming home from work, he would witness the same scene: various guests wandering around aimlessly in his apartment. This was an ever-changing stream of faces of friends and acquaintances, some of whom became favorites, while others disappeared as if they never existed - a full house of unfamiliar people, among whom were also his children, wandering around unsupervised. Some foreigners would be sitting in the corners and speaking obscure languages, some artists would be painting the door of his bedroom, some musicians would be playing on his piano, and some “bards” would be occupying with his guitar. He would go to the kitchen to eat, but there would be already some merry company settled there and no place for him. Among this crowd he sees his wife, but she is too involved in her conversation with another “rising star” and doesn’t care about what he has to say. In short, he is constantly reminded that he is just one of many, and perhaps it would be better if he were not there at all. He goes into his office and sits there, trying to focus on his work and waiting until the guests disperse. Not all of them depart, of course, some where late for the last subway train, while others are going to stay overnight simply because they feel well in this house - they are led to different rooms for the night.
However, there were days when he could rest from these mind-blowing “hangouts” and “gatherings”. Coming back from work, he would find his children home alone - this happened every time that his wife left with a group of tourists for a 3-4 day hike. These days he lived peacefully and calmly at home - more precisely, this was until he had found out what all his friends already knew - that there were no hiking trips, simply the fun moved to another apartment for these days where the next “favorite” of his wife had lived. (The address would be given to all those who have “partaken in the mystery of the communion” in advance.)
Thus, he was offered the role of the husband “cuckold” (or “old fool” from the Italian comedy) which he did not wish to accept, so their marriage dispelled very soon and in a rather trivial manner: after issuing a divorce his wife married one of the foreigners who periodically visited their apartment.
After her departure, he felt very lonely, homesick, and as soon as possible he followed after her - under the pretext of visiting their daughter …